Streams in the Desert

Recently, to our great joy and delight and surprise, we were able to finally bring Wesley's adoption to a close. Naturally, whenever an adoption is finalized, the adopting parents and all other relatives are ecstatic but in this case words cannot express our relief and greatest joy because it was a contested adoption. The finalization brought to a close a six month journey of frustration, confusion, and fear about what would really happen in the end. It seemed like we were walking through a very dry desert. We could not bear to think of having to give Wesley up but at the same time we also had to think about it. Needless to say, God taught us a lot through the process. Here are some things in brief that put in our hearts as we sought His heart in the matter. These were streams in the desert for us.

1. Continually we felt the Lord asking, "Do you trust Me?" See, we had really felt that the Lord had led us to adopt after years of struggling through infertility and just because it was something that had been on our hearts for years, and for me, even while in high school and perhaps earlier. We prayed for God's timing to adopt, which agency to use, that God would guide the right birth parents to us, that the child given as a gift would be the one God chose for us. It seemed that through all the circumstances and decisions, we felt we had followed God. "Why then this unexpected struggle, Lord?" Repeatedly the Lord replied, "Do you trust Me? Or He would simply just say, "Trust Me."

2. We have learned through all of the roads of infertility and adoption and even with other situations and circumstances that we are not in control. Try as we might to have things work out the way we want, God has another plan, better than ours. It is good and we just have to let go and trust Him. (See #1) God does what He does beyond our comprehension, all for His greatest glory. We see now how much He was glorified in this in our lives and in the lives of others involved. We pray that continues.

3. Do what you feel the Lord is leading you to do even if it is the hard thing, isn't the normal course of action and doesn't make sense and the outcome isn't what you'd hoped and prayed for or even expected given that you thought that you were doing what the Lord wanted you to do and therefore the outcome must be in your favor. We did feel the Lord guiding us to do something very hard, that wasn't normal and didn't really make sense. In doing so we thought the outcome would have brought a positive answer for us given that the Lord had led us to do it. However, that was not the case, initially anyway. The adoption continued to be contested and we were crushed. We didn't understand why the Lord had led us to do this specific thing with all the anxiety it involved if it only brought about the same result. Again, the Lord said, "Trust Me." In the end, we clearly see how God very much used the route He lead us down to make a difference even if the result was quite delayed.

4. Related to that and all other points, God will display His power, love and glory by doing what only He can do. He certainly did this in this case.

5. Fight for what God has entrusted to you but hold it with an open hand. We came to realize how very much Wesley was/is a gift from the Lord. We knew this already but the reality of it became much more stark when we realized the gift could be taken away. And yet it was still a gift. We were given the responsibility to be good stewards of this precious gift and that too became much more real knowing that we might only have him in our arms a short time longer. We still had to be his loving parents for the time given to us to do so, to shower him with love and as stewards of what was entrusted to us, to fight for what we thought was good and right for Wes. And yet we had to realize that all things given to us are not ours really and are indeed never given with the promise of permanence except for salvation. As He has taught me about other things, even my own breath and life, we have to hold everything with an open hand, trusting that the Lord holds all things in His hands much more firmly than what we are allowed to hold and that He holds them forever. We can trust Him even when it doesn't make sense and it seems heart-wrenching to think we might have to let go.

6. As in other roads we've been down, He continues to teach us that God is enough. Nothing satisfies, nothing brings greater joy than the gift of His grace. He is enough for our sorrow and our hope, for our weeping and rejoicing. He gives us everything we need, and much more, and loves us perfectly although we in our imperfection, do not usually understand.

7. Also, we've seen how we have a faulty view of God and ourselves. I cannot really put this into words right now, it is something still formulating and digesting and will probably will be for all the days of our life as we continue to grow and learn more about God and ourselves in this fallen world.

8. Lastly, we've learned not to hesitate to bring those we love and who love us along on the journey as support and encouragement. The prayers and support of His people have lifted us up many times out of our sorrow and fear. We need each other desperately.

It is strange how, on the day we went to court in February, before we knew there would be a good outcome, that we both felt a peace. We were anxious, but there was a deep peace in knowing that God really was in control and that we really could trust Him. That only came by His grace and much, much, much wrestling and weeping and questioning.

If you're struggling through something, keep seeking. God will reveal Himself to you, perhaps in unexpected ways, but in fulfilling, satisfying ways that brings great unexplained peace beyond what you could imagine. He is faithful to Himself and to His people. You may not see the purpose of your weariness or even a good outcome but He will reveal Himself to you to be a good and loving Father, trustworthy and faithful, firmly holding you forever.

Two good books we've read are A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and Streams in the Desert. C.S Lewis makes no bones about how he feels about his suffering and it is soul-healing to read how a godly, devoted man seriously wrestled with God in his grief. Streams in the Desert is a daily devotional that walks the reader through dealing with suffering, full of writings and hymns and poems from thoughtful, godly people of long ago.

Also, our church just did an 8-week sermon series on suffering leading up to Easter. It was very good! You can listen to it here - Suffering Series

Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken

This time ten years ago, I was getting ready to travel to Belarus to live for 9 weeks during the summer. I was so thrilled! I had spent two weeks there the summer before and felt confident about this trip - that it wouldn't be too hard. Boy was I wrong! Those were some lonely, cold, tough days. But that trip sparked a new chapter in my life, like a page turned. On that trip, God started to peel away at some things that I did not even know existed in my heart, revealing some nasty stuff I needed to be rid of and some truths I needed to understand about myself and about God ... and He has continued to do so ever since in a myriad of ways. So many things have happened in my life since that time and He's used all of them to continue to peel and teach and love. It is simply too much to comprehend all that God has allowed me to see and do and even to "go through." I've traveled to at least 9 countries since then and countless states, lived in three states and one other country - twice, gotten married, adopted the cutest little boy ever, got a Master's, studied three languages (one of which I have almost completely forgotten), learned to cook and knit, been on some hair-raising adventures, seen some wonderful history, met the neatest, godliest people, heard the most amazing stories and seen God do what only He could do - not in any particular order. I am simply astounded by the privilege of being able to be a part of what God is doing in so many places and in so many ways. While many of these things carried such blessing, some of them brought tears too, mostly because of something I had to work through or deal with. And so, I am humbled by the privilege to sit at His feet and learn and grow and understand through the good times and the difficult.

Someone asked me not too long ago if it was worth the wait for Wesley, if it made the time we did wait disappear. To the second question, no. The time - 4 1/2 years - still seems long. But to the first question, a resounding yes! And not simply because we now have Wesley but because of all the other treasures God has given along the way that at first didn't seem so treasurable but now are so sweet - they were even sweet before Wes came. These ten years have made a profound, life changing impact on my life and my relationship with God, for the better. Praise God for these! Though the road has been bumpy and mountainous at times it was all SO WORTH IT! I wonder what the next ten years will be like?

We were visiting a church this past weekend that played this song in worship. I had never heard it but almost immediately it plucked my heartstrings and I began to cry - if you know me well you know this is not too uncommon. : ) It says so much about what God has taught me through these 10 years - not what I think I am, but what my heart attitude should be - most especially the first, fourth and fifth verses. And it speaks it so beautifully and joyfully which makes it all the better to me. If you would like to actually hear this song, there is a link at the bottom you can click on. I think it would be well worth it to do so.

Jesus, I my cross have taken,

All to leave and follow Thee.

Destitute, despised, forsaken,

Thou from hence my all shall be.

Perish every fond ambition,

All I've sought or hoped or known.

Yet how rich is my condition!

God and heaven are still my own.

Let the world despise and leave me,

They have left my Savior, too.

Human hearts and looks deceive me;

Thou art not, like them, untrue.

O while Thou dost smile upon me,

God of wisdom, love and might,

Foes may hate and friends disown me,

Show thy face and all is bright.

Man may trouble and distress me,

Twill but drive me to Thy breast.

Life with trials hard may press me;

Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.

Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me

While thy love is left to me;

Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me.

Were that joy unmixed with Thee.

Go, then earthly fame and treasure,

Come disaster, scorn and pain

In Thy service, pain is pleasure,

With Thy favor, loss is gain

I have called Thee Abba Father,

I have stayed my heart on Thee

Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;

All must work for good to me. (Romans 8:28)

Soul, then know thy full salvation

Rise o'er sin and fear and care

Joy to find in every station,

Something still to do or bear.

Think what Spirit dwells within thee,

Think what Father's smiles are thine,

Think that Jesus died to win thee,

Child of heaven, canst thou repine?

Haste thee on from grace to glory,

Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.

Heaven's eternal days before thee,

God's own hand shall guide us there.

Soon shall close thy earthly mission,

Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,

Hope shall change to glad fruition,

Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iU8yXzsejc&feature=related

You Are Not Your Own

Here is an excerpt from Oswald Chamber's "My Utmost for His Highest.," Nov. 1. It summarized a lot of what I 've been learning and wanted to share it with you. Blessings!

"Ye Are Not Your Own." 1 Cor. 6:19

"There is no such thing as a private life - 'a world within the world' - for a man or woman who is brought into fellowship with Jesus Christ's sufferings. God breaks up the private life of His saints, and makes it a thoroughfare for the world on the one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ. We are not sanctified for ourselves, we are called into the fellowship of the gospel, and things happen which have nothing to do with us, God is getting us into fellowship with Himself. Let Him have His way; if you do not, instead of being of the slightest us to God in His redemptive work in the world, you will be a hindrance and a clog.

"The first thing God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His redemption. Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so-called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - 'Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine.' If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."

Remembering and Glorifying

A few weeks ago, the sermon in church, focused on seeking satisfaction in God. The guest speaker pointed out ways that we can become one who loves God more than life, completely satisfied in Him, consumed with a holy passion for God. One of those ways was to remember what God has done in the past. We encourage remembering in our lives by writing down what God has done, meditating on it, reviewing it and frequently telling others. This in turn fuels satisfaction in Him. God reminded me of a big something today and put some more pieces together for me so I thought I would share it with you as a means to help me remember even more that I might be more satisfied in Him and Him be more glorified in me.

God usually reminds me of His past work in my life through songs. There is just something about a song that tunes my heart to Him in a different way than anything else, especially if I am reading the Bible while I am listening to music. (That is why I have posted so many entries with songs!) So, this afternoon I was being a bit crafty and listening to some Keith Green music. I decided that it would a good time to memorize some verses while I was cutting and gluing. Sure enough, as I had the Bible open while listening to some poignant words of praise, God reminded me of a specific time in my life that I am realizing more and more was one of those major pivotal points in my walk with the Lord from which many other things stem.

It was mid October 2001. That day I had been volunteering in New York City with the Salvation Army along with some others from my church in Georgia. We were assigned the task of listening to some of the victims of the 9/11 attacks in order to determine ways to help them, whether that be just with a hug, with financial help or with counseling. It was a really tough day. That night I spent some time journaling and felt burdened in my heart to pray to really, really know the Lord, deeply. I asked Him to reveal more of His character to me, to grow me so much more. He heard me and was faithful to be begin to answer in less than 18 hours.

The next day I worked at "ground zero." The day before we had walked around the perimeter trying to put some pieces of the tragic event together and pray. It was difficult to hold back the tears then. However, walking into its interior was quite a different experience. The destruction and smell of death were beyond description and terrified me.

In those moments as we slowly made our way into the heart of those 16 acres I literally felt my knees begin to buckle. We had come to bring smiles, compassion, warm hearts, listening ears, food and practical help to the men working there. What good would I be if, after only 10 minutes of trudging through the muck, I was about to pass out or lose my lunch? I prayed quickly for God to give me what I needed in order to do what He had brought me there to do. He immediately strengthened me and, in a way, numbed me to everything that overwhelmed my senses. He gave me some neat and unique opportunities that night to just be a light and be the "sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him" in that place.

The Lord taught me a great many things on that night and other times I spent there. But one thing stands out the most. Those first terrifying steps on that gray October day began a years-long journey deeper into the heart of God's character. Was I terrified of what more the terrorists could do? No, I was terrified of God. If man could devise such unspeakable destruction of enormous man-made structures and of man, what could God in His wrath and power do? My little Sunday School image of God was blown to pieces very quickly. I had God wrapped up in a little box of love, mercy and grace, someone to whom I could run to and crawl in His lap. I was confronted with some very different aspects of God's character like His wrath, His sovereignty, His justice and His power that I had seldom even thought to explore and as I wrote above, I was terrified. God, in future months and years-even up to the present day, would require that I not just explore but grapple and wrestle with who He really is and what He is really about as well as confront ugly things in my own heart. I asked for it. He took me seriously. And praise God!

Little did I know at the time what would be required of me. I am understanding more and more that in order to know God more I have to relinquish myself. I see now that much of my experiences since 10/01, stem from that prayer and have been an exercise in surrendering more of myself to Him, making my life more about Him and less about myself. I have found such freedom and peace in this and much of the insecurities I used to struggle with have dissolved. Inevitably as I do give up more of myself, He fills in the gaps with more understanding of who He is.

Also in discovering and digging deeper into the hard things of God's character, He's given me a fuller and richer understanding of God's love, grace and mercy in relationship to the other aspects of His character. This in turn gives me all the more reason to praise Him because I understand that He is all the more worthy. Not that my understanding of Him makes Him more worthy but my knowing Him better shows me more of His worthiness to be praised.

The journey, often difficult but filled with blessings, has completely transformed my whole life, my understanding of the Lord, how I think, how I desire to spend my days. I recognize now, more and more, that much of what I've experienced in my life since that day is a result of His faithfulness to reveal more of Himself to me and thus breaking me of myself. I barely knew what it meant to glorify God eight years ago but now as I remember God and what He has done in my life in order to give Him glory I see how understanding Him more only draws me to give Him glory and I delight in it all the more.

Here's the song that caused me to remember. Aspects of it made me think of what I prayed that night. Praise God for His faithfulness!

Rushing Wind by Keith Green

Rushing wind blow through this temple,

blowing out the dust within,

Come and breath Your breath upon me;

I've been born again.

Holy Spirit, I surrender.

Take me where You want to go

Plant me by Your living waters

Plant me deep so I can grow.

Jesus, You're the One

Who set my spirit free.

Use me Lord,

Glory Your holy name through me.

Separate me from this world Lord,

Sanctify my life for You

Daily change me to Your image.

Help me bear good fruit.

Everyday You're drawing closer

Trials come to test my faith

But when all is said and done

You know, its been worth the wait.

Jesus, You're the One

who set my spirit free

Use me Lord

Glorify Your holy name through me.

Rushing wind blow through this temple,

blowing out the dust within,

Come and breath Your breath upon me

I've been born again.

Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer

I've been thinking of putting this on my blog for a long time now - at least a year and a half! My how time flies! This is a song that I listened to in Lebanon over and over and over again because of what was going on in my own heart regarding starting a family as well as because of some of the stress of living in Lebanon and the difficult transition over the last year (though I wouldn't change a bit of any of it). For some reason, perhaps because there is so much emotion wrapped up in it, I just haven't been able to post this song. When I hear it, it is like I feel a tenderness with Christ and share something really special with Him that no one else could know. I have listened to it and wept uncontrollably and at other times with great joy though even now I struggle to listen to it without tears welling up and memories flooding my mind. It has encouraged me so much. It gives me such great hope and I have found that the "journey" has brought so many blessings, the 3 greatest being that there is a sweetness with Christ that I've never known before (He really has drawn me nearer), I have an unexplainable peace and I feel more in love with Eric than I ever thought I could love someone. Though I'm a little worn and the journey is a little scary sometimes, where He leads, I follow, gladly, with anticipation though admittedly sometimes with a bit of hesitation. "What's around the next bend, Lord? Dare I ask? .................. Oh yes!"

Jesus, draw me ever nearer

As I labor through the storm.

You have called me to this passing

and I follow, though I'm worn.

[Chorus]

May this journey bring a blessing

May I rise on wings of faith

And at the end of my heart's testing

With your likeness, let me wake

Jesus, guide me through the tempest

Keep my spirit staid and sure

When the midnight meets the morning

Let me love you even more.

[Chorus]

Let the treasure of the trial

form within me as I go

And at the end of this long passing

Let me leave them at your throne.

May this journey bring a blessing

may I rise on wings of faith

And at the end of my heart's testing

With your likeness, let me wake.

This song is found on the Keith and Kristen Gettys cd - "In Christ Alone." Great friends gave us this cd just a couple of weeks before we left for Lebanon and it was one of the greatest blessings while we were there and since we've been back. Like I said earlier, not just that one song above, but all the songs at different times get played over and over. Try it out. I know you won't be disappointed.

The Nature of God

Here is something rather long and rambling but extremely encouraging. I thought I would share it with you. I left some parts out and paraphrased some for clarity. May the nature of God be your comfort and courage and hope today.

How blessed are the people whose God is the Lord. When you know the sovereignty of God and His Lordship over all things, seen and unseen, when you are able to confess Him as the supreme ruler over all things and to confess Him that He is supreme Lord and you are His possession, then at that point you are the happiest of people. You could not get any happier. Nothing could happen that could be so wonderful that it could possibly be better than the happiness you have in the Lordship and supremacy of Christ.

When you know that you are situated in the heart of the most powerful person ever to live, then you can't be more happier than at that point. When you are able to step back into His rest and live in the high tower of His name so that when the enemy comes raging against you, He cannot fine you, that is joy, that is happiness.

How blessed is He whose help is in the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord. The one who made heaven and earth, who made the sea and all that is in it. The one who keeps faith forever. When all your confidence is in the one who made heaven and earth , when everything you need in life is utterly dependent on the goodness, the mercy, the kindness, the love, the grace, the power of the one person who is supreme God above all gods, when your present and your future and your health and your destiny and your life depends totally on the God who works for weak, twisted and deceitful people then you simply have to be the happiest people on the face of the earth because your happiness is built totally on the knowledge that the God who gives favor to weak selfish people, He has given you a unshakeable conviction and confidence in His ability to bring change and power to bear on your life. Therefore, the most wonderful thing that you will ever do with your life is to trust it to the nature of God, to put it in the hands of a God who totally loves you and is deeply committed to you and and delights in helping you. It is the most happy feeling to totally trust the best, the most honorable, the most powerful, the most integrous, committed and faithful covenant maker who is also the most decent person who ever lived, Jesus. Being completely reliant on His character and integrity is the source of your great happiness.

We rest in Your nature. You never change. Everything comes down to us from the Father of lights in whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. You say with absolute confidence "I am the Lord. I change not. I am the same yesterday, today and forever."

Beloved we are learning to live in the paradox of God that He is consistent but He's also unpredictable. He's consistent in His nature. You seldom know what He is going to do next. But you always know where you are with God because He never changes. When Moses said, "God please show me your glory," maybe he was expecting some great light and display of power. And God said, "okay then... I will make my goodness to pass before you." Because the glory of God is the nature of God, that God is good. He's good, He's unfailingly good. God is Good! He is good. He never changes. He will always be good. Yesterday He's good, today He's good and tomorrow He will always be good. He will never change His heart toward you, no matter what you do. He cannot be anything other that what He is. He is a covenant-maker and a covenant-Keeper and He is good.

He is also unpredictable. You never know what He is going to do next. And God has called you to see the invisible and do the impossible. God has not called you to do the things you can do. He's called you to do the things you would never be able to do in a million years.... Only He can do it. But He has called you to live in His faithfulness and His consistency and He will come and do all the things that need to be done. So beloved you cannot find security in what God is doing because God commits you to the outrageous. There is not security in that place. There is only security in who God is. This great God that we serve will throw us into situations beyond us with no other thought than that His great heart will sustain us. and the answer of God to everything, every excuse you make why you cannot do something, the answer is always be the same. When you look into His face and you see the twinkle in His eyes and the grin on His face and He says, "Nevertheless. I will be with you. I will be there." He the great God who sends us out as lambs amongst wolves. Why? Because the Lion is padding by our sides.

The only way we will do what He has called us to is that we are secure in the nature of God... the only way we will seize the moment, to advance the kingdom, to swim against the odds, is if you and I are resting in the consistent nature of God, that you and I have a testimony of what God is really like living in our hearts in such a powerful way that it drives everything. "I am the Lord. I never, ever change."

Beloved, do not be distracted into your journey of the nature of God because it is the source, the wellspring of all your joy, peace, revelation, anointing, your power. And when you learn how to rest in the nature of God and He comes walking with the impossible You will be the one who gets out of the boat to join Him. You won't be one of those wondering or thinking about joining Him. There will be this instinctive, intuitive need to put you leg over the side of the boat and start walking on a substance you have not business being on except that He is drawing you there. It is your destiny beloved. To walk in the nature of God.

He is going to make you perfect in His nature, stamping the image of Jesus on you. That is what the desert is about. Hosea 2:14-15 says, "I will captivate her heart and draw her in the wilderness to speak kindly to her." Out of that place of the desert God will give you the vineyard of fruitfulness. He knows the plans He has for you, the things He wants you to accomplish. He will not rest Himself until you have a revelation of what He is really, really like. Then He will back it up with experience. He is faithful.

From this day on for you there is not such thing as a good day or a bad day. Only days of grace. And some days the grace of God allows you to enjoy what is happening and some days the grace of God allows you to endure what is happening. But don't think about good and bad anymore. Just enjoy the grace that is present. And out of that grace there will be an expectancy. "I know you are going to do something today. I just want to be alive to You so I can see it wait for it, speak it out, live in it, experience it, worship you in it, glorify Your name in it. There are no good days anymore. There are no bad days. Just days of grace, ah? Days of Grace. That you might know Him and rest in Him and live in Him move in Him, worship Him, represent Him

Why? Sovereignty. Lessons from Job & Psalm 73

The results of the fall of man and creation are indiscriminate. Sin has laid its waste in many ways on this earth through disease, famine, war, injustice, natural disasters, etc. As John Piper says, these things are a sign post of the reality of sin in the world and the world’s need for redemption. I’ve come to learn that at some point before bearing the final signpost - physical death - all of us will carry signposts pointing to the reality of sin in our world. Sometimes things happen to us as a result of our own personal sin. For these there is an explanation and we are ultimately held accountable. But what about those times when a signpost has been given to carry where there is, after careful soul searching and prayer, no conviction or evidence of specific personal sin related to the signpost and no other explanation? I’m not saying there are people who don’t sin - that was Jesus’ ability alone- I’m talking about specific sin that creates specific consequences.

Bad things happen to all manner of people, “good” and bad. The author of Psalm 73 lamented this fact which caused him great struggle and frustration. He wrote, “But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling; My steps had almost slipped” (Ps. 73:2) because of all the ways the wicked seemed to prosper. He began his conclusion with, “When my heart was embittered, and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before Thee.” Have you ever felt like a beast when faced with the things that seem unfair in life? Embittered? Pierced within? Senseless? I’m raising my hand! A good reading of the book of Job will reveal that he felt the same way. But God taught him a valuable lesson that goes something like this: “I am God. You are not. I think I know what I am doing. I am the Sovereign over all the earth. I am trustworthy. Trust Me.”

Job of all people had a right, as we Westerners would think, to protest. He was an upright man. “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job, and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God, and turning away from evil.” (Job 1:1) He was a wealthy prosperous, successful man who loved the Lord. Yet disaster struck. Job mourned and wept for his loss. He related with the Psalmist. He sought solace from his friends but they offered him little in the way of comfort or encouragement, mostly accusing him, showing their own lack of understanding of God’s ways and nature and purposes. He petitioned God for an explanation for his suffering. After all, he was an upright man.

“The major reality of the book is the inscrutable mystery of innocent suffering. God ordains that His children walk in suffering and sorrow, sometimes because of sin (Num 12:10-12), sometimes for chastening (Heb 12:5-12), sometimes for strengthening (2 Cor. 1:3-7; 1 Pet 5:10, James 1:2-4) and sometimes to give opportunity to reveal His comfort and grace (2 Cor 1:3-7). But there are times when the compelling issue in the suffering of the saints is unknowable because it is for heavenly purposes that those on earth can’t discern.” * “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Is. 55:8-9) Also, see Ex 4:11, Jn 9:1-3.

God is the one who “rules over a sin-confused world with power and authority directed by perfect wisdom and mercy.” * Job recognized that often good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. But the things that happen to people “are more than just exceptions to the rule, thus forcing Job (and us) to rethink his simple understanding about God’s sovereign interaction with His people. The type of wisdom Job comes to embrace was not dependent merely on the promise of reward or punishment. The long, peevish disputes between Job and his accusers were attempts to reconcile the perceived inequities of God’s retribution in Job’s experience. Such an empirical method is dangerous. In the end, God offered no explanation to Job, but rather called all parties to a deeper level of trust in the Creator...” * Job doesn’t know why he’s suffered but “[he] simply commits his ordeal with a devout heart of worship and humility to a sovereign and perfectly wise Creator - and that was what God wanted him to learn...” *

“Some truths in Job’s experience:

1. There are matters going on in heaven with God that believers know nothing about; yet they affect our lives.

2. Even the best effort for explaining the issues of life can be useless.

3. God’s people do suffer. Bad things happen all the time to good people, so no one can judge a person’s spirituality by his painful circumstances or her great successes.

4. Even though God seems far away, perseverance in faith is a most noble virtue since God is good and one can safely leave his life in His hands.

5. The believer in the midst of suffering should not abandon God, just draw near to Him, so out of the fellowship can come the comfort - without the explanation.

6. Suffering may be intense, but it will ultimately end for the righteous and God will bless abundantly.

“When Job was finally confronted by the Lord of the universe, he put his hand over his mouth and said nothing. Job’s silent response in no way trivialized the intense pain and loss he had endured. It merely underscored the importance of trusting God’s purposes in the midst of suffering. It, like all other human experiences, is directed by perfect divine wisdom. In the end, the lesson learned was not that one may never know the specific reason for his suffering but, one must trust in Sovereign God whether we know or not.”

The author of Psalm 73, after much wrestling, concludes, “Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord my God my refuge, that I may tell of all Thy works. (Ps. 73:25-26, 28) Job, after shaking his fists and God’s marvelous explanation of who He is, says, “I know that Thou canst do all things, and that no purpose of Thine can be thwarted. Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge? Therefore I declare that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Hear now, and I will speak; I will ask Thee, and do Thou instruct me. I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees Thee” (Job 42:2-5)

What If? A Lesson from Esther

Again, this blog entry is on account of something I learned through the Beth Moore study of Esther. These are things I’ve been learning slowly over the last several years but it was put together well by her. It has to do with our greatest fears and the “what ifs” of life and what would happen if they came true. She says, “It is not enough to trust God that what we fear the most will never happen.” We must trust Him even if they do happen. Esther was confronted with a very big problem - all the Jews, her included, were sentenced to death! Mordecai convinced her that she had been put in her place of royalty to do something about the plight of her people, knowing that it could cost her her life anyway. The Bible records that she and all the Jews of Susa prayed and fasted for 3 days and nights with no food or drink. I am sure part of their prayer included asking for some kind of miracle that the edict would be reversed or something else amazing would happen. However, nothing happened in those three days and she was forced to gather up all her courage to face the terror of knowing she could shortly be put to death. But she was resolved. “If I perish, I perish.”

I think it is interesting that God chose not to bring about an obvious, immediate miracle to release the Jews from this edict. So often I have prayed for something not to happen or to stop happening or to happen and God does not always answer the way I want. But does that preclude that God did not hear or does not care? No. Perhaps, as Beth says, the miracle is right in front of us but it is not what we expected or wanted and that “sometimes God’s hand is so close that it covers our eyes.” Mordecai made it clear that God would find a way to save His people but He chose to do it through Esther. It required much courage on her part and great trust in God’s purpose and sovereignty to face the king. I am sure she wondered, “What if....?”

I’ve had many “what ifs” float through my head over the years, most probably ridiculous and completely unwarranted. Unfortunately, I am a bit of worry wort. But God has confronted me with two over the last few years and particularly in the last year that have helped to resolve all of the what ifs. One of them came to a head in a short 5 minute span of time in the streets of Beirut one evening in early May as we scrambled to reach a place of refuge when chaos had quickly and unexpectedly broken out around us. We were extremely frightened but in one particular second my senses picked up on something that warned me of the very real risk of our situation. A huge “what if” dominated my thoughts immediately. I wish I could say that at that moment or at any time through that night and into the next morning I was filled with great peace as I would have hoped and even prayed. Not so, but it did come a week or so later. In fact, it is a peace unexplainable. I realized through that experience that God gives and takes away. He is the great giver of all things, the Sustainer, the Sovereign over all the earth. He understood the confusing politics that caused the chaos of that day and the days that preceded and followed. He understands all of history and controls it. He reminded me that not only does He rule the universe but He holds little me tightly in His grip and I am part of His great plan. He knows every breath I take. Nothing that happens, big or small, is an accident. It wasn’t an accident that we experienced that incident. And it wasn’t an accident that He brought us to a place of safety while others were not. I struggled with that a lot. But God knows. And He is good. I have to trust that. Period. And if we hadn’t made it to safety, then what? We were still safe! We were still in the tight grip of His hand, in His perfect will and whatever happened was part of His great plan of redemption for this world. Either way, He would be glorified. I cannot tell you how much this has radically changed my life. It has affected every area of my life. God has poured over me a greater peace and calm than I have ever known. My greatest fear no longer has a grip on me and I feel more than ever that My God is trustworthy. It has propelled me into a relationship and intimacy with Him that I haven’t known in a long, long time, if ever.

I’ve been able to take what I’ve learned from that experience and apply it to the other “what ifs” of life and much of my anxieties and worries have subsided. I still have sorrow from time to time with regard to the big “what if” looming over us about whether we will ever have children. But the fretting and anger and resentment have all but disappeared. Beth’s words were so encouraging. I needed to be reminded of what God has already been teaching me. He used her to bring it into a much more concise and clear focus. She said to fill in these blanks, “If ______, then ______? Then what? What happens when we pray and seemingly, there is no miracle? Then what? And then after that, then what? Then what? THEN WHAT? She challenged us to take it as far as we could. The only end we could come to is that then... God is good and He is faithful. Yes, there may be tears and devastation and all manor of emotions but then... He knows all things. Then... He loves me and knows the plans He has for me. Then...God will take care of me. Then... He holds me tightly in His hands. Then... He is my Hope and Joy and Satisfaction and Peace. He alone is my Rock and Strength and Salvation. Then...God is going to demonstrate His sufficiency in me. Then... He is enough. Then... He is my Treasure. Then...He is going to accomplish something monumental in me and perhaps even through me.

We must trust Him. Period. By trusting God in this way, we are released from the fear’s grip and the chains of lies Satan uses to frighten us and torment us. There is a miracle. It just might look a little different than we imagined.

“Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is Your Name.”

Once Upon a Time...

I’ve just started Beth Moore’s study of Esther. So far I have really enjoyed it even though I am only on day two! I wanted to share a few words of encouragement with you that were super encouraging to me, a reminder of something God has been teaching me over and over these last few years.

The book of Esther starts out with the phrase, “This is what happened during the time of Xerxes.” As the verse continues you get the idea that the author, as inspired by the Holy Spirit, had a “once upon a time during the great and vast reign of Xerxes” story on his mind. However, Beth notes that these words in Hebrew are mentioned only 5 times in the Bible and they ‘all “introduce impending catastrophe or doom.’”

Beth continues, “Our first reaction may be the thought, ‘Then who wants a great story? Forget once upon a time!’ But I’d like to suggest that the nature of life on planet Earth swirls a certain air of impending catastrophe in every hospital nursery in the world. “

Beth is basically saying that all of us have troubles; all of us at one time or another find ourselves in sorrowful, dangerous, frustrating, sad times as well as good times. Sometimes there is rain and sometimes there is sunshine and sometimes there is both at the same time. She writes, “Beloved, something is always wrong! I still live in the real world where I get my feelings hurt, go to funerals, get rejected, catch a stomach virus and age overnight. Life is full of trouble whether in a sky-high mountain of small annoyances or an earth-splitting canyon of crisis. There’s no escaping it until we escape these mortal bodies. But here’s the good news. I also learned that in all five occasions where those same Hebrew words were associated with impending catastrophe, ‘the ending to each story is happy, but before the happy ending is realized, much grief occurs.”

Do you ever struggle with feeling like nothing goes right or does the question, “Why me?” sometimes roll through your mind or blurt out of your mouth? Sometimes we look around at everyone else and feel like we are the only ones struggling with something deep or frustrating or sorrowful. I think we have all experienced this in one way or another. But I have learned over the past few years while experiencing a few extremely frustrating, sometimes sorrowful things, even a few very stressful crises (while still dealing with the frustrating, sad, and patience-building things) that everyone goes trough trials. God is not picking on me. That is ridiculous and self-centered. God is good. We live in a fallen world. Our lives are products of a fallen world, even our bodies. We have an enemy who seeks to devour us, lurking around every corner. We can’t expect life to be hunky-dory all the time. Sure, God may use circumstances in our lives to grow us or discipline us but He is not “picking” on us. God has taught me to recognize that we all carry heavy burdens and sorrows at different times in our lives even though it may not be at the same time that I do. I don’t say this to say I feel better because other people suffer too. I don’t wish for anyone to suffer. However, God has shown me that “rain” is a reality of life and I needed to come to grips with that and learn to live through whatever this fallen world brings with joy, contentment and satisfaction in a thoroughly loving, sovereign God who knows far better how life should go for me and how my story ends than I do. I have to trust His goodness and His lovingkindness and His sovereignty even if what is going on doesn’t make any sense to my finite mind. Besides, in these last several years God has also mercifully bestowed on me countless, immeasurable, beautiful blessings. I can’t forget that! But even if I have sorrow all my days, the ending will be a good one because I know that God will use every last tear and blessing to make me more like Him and the more I am like Him, the more He is glorified and hopefully His kingdom is expanded. His glory and the advance of His kingdom are really all that matters anyway.

Beth sums it up well. “I think we know the part about much grief...no life is free of troubles, regardless of religion, race or nation. In fact, as Job said, every life is full of it. When we trust our lives to the hand and pen of an unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read. With a grand ending. And not in spite of those catastrophes. Often because of them.”

And anway, what kind of story would it be that begins with “once upon a time” and ends with “happily ever after” if there wasn’t some kind of impending doom, a great climax, a thrilling adventure (and my life has certainly been that!) or a heroine who needed rescuing by her Prince?” Everyday is an adventure with the Lord and I wouldn’t want it any other way. :) But this ain’t no fairy tale. Let’s give praise to the most holy Story Writer, the real and forever King of all kings, our great and mighty Lord and Savior:

The Lord is gracious and merciful;

Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness.

The Lord is good to all,

And His mercies are over all His works.

All Thy works shall give thanks to Thee, O Lord,

And Thy godly ones shall bless Thee.

They shall speak of the glory of Thy kingdom,

And talk of Thy power;

To make known to the sons of men Thy mighty acts

And the glory of the majesty of Thy kingdom.

Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,

And Thy dominion endures throughout all generations.

Psalm 145:8-13

Lessons Learned From Lebanon

I haven’t written a blog entry in a while. I created this new blog more than a month ago but the blank pages just kept starring back at me. But I thought today would be a good day to give it a go again. See, a year ago today we left to go overseas. What an amazing year it has been. It has been full and overflowing with some really amazing and joy-filled occasions and cause for rejoicing as well as some tense, stressful, scary, frustrating, confusing and discouraging times. You can imagine that through these times we’ve learned a lot.

I’ve been thinking for a long time (at least six months) about writing an entry about some of these things we’ve learned over the last year. So that is what this blog entry is about but I realized that there is no way I can fit it into one entry, so I will spread it out over how ever many it takes. I pray that this will be a blessing and encouragement to you wherever you are.

So this blog entry is going to be about God, i.e. the attributes of God that He revealed to us in more depth than we’ve experienced before. Much of it is really difficult to even put into words. Here are the biggies: His Faithfulness and His Sovereignty and that He is all-satisfying.

He has shown His faithfulness to us in so many ways. He has been faithful in providing for every need. Here are just a few examples: a heater, a car, strangers to help when our car broke down, quickly selling a car during war-like circumstances, quickly selling our house at a great price, extremely wonderful neighbors, plenty of blankets, all the financial resources we needed, always a place to stay and wonderful people to stay with, and shelter and protection under the leadership of very wise people who graciously took care of us in sticky situations. We’ve seen His faithfulness to draw people to Himself all over the southern part of the country, to plant us strategically so that the people we would see the most were ripe for the harvest. We’ve seen His faithfulness in His presence. He was always with us and always caring for us and watching over us. His presence was very real to me in that little village and even in the streets of Beirut, even at the scariest times. Even in the hardest times, He showed His faithfulness to us through someone sending us a funny email, or a visit from a neighbor hungry to learn about his new-found Savior, or a package in the mail, or an encouraging passage from the Bible or a book (usually an Elisabeth Elliot book!), or a great praise song, or a walk through the village even in the freezing cold, or a breathtaking sunset, or that beautiful mountain outside our kitchen window or just hearing the prayers and songs of His followers in that tiny village, or the laughter of our adult English students, or the sweet greetings and hellos from the principal and little students at the school we regularly visited, or from times spent with American friends in Beirut who became more like brothers and sisters. I’ve read back over my journal a few times and each time I weep because of His very, very obvious faithfulness. This causes me to absolutely delight in Him! He is so good and kind and generous. And it shows me that I really can trust Him!!

Well, I have written a lot, only about faithfulness so I will conclude for now. I will continue about His sovereignty later.

Ps. I haven’t yet put in anything about the About Me page. Hopefully I will get to that this weekend. :)