Again, this blog entry is on account of something I learned through the Beth Moore study of Esther. These are things I’ve been learning slowly over the last several years but it was put together well by her. It has to do with our greatest fears and the “what ifs” of life and what would happen if they came true. She says, “It is not enough to trust God that what we fear the most will never happen.” We must trust Him even if they do happen. Esther was confronted with a very big problem - all the Jews, her included, were sentenced to death! Mordecai convinced her that she had been put in her place of royalty to do something about the plight of her people, knowing that it could cost her her life anyway. The Bible records that she and all the Jews of Susa prayed and fasted for 3 days and nights with no food or drink. I am sure part of their prayer included asking for some kind of miracle that the edict would be reversed or something else amazing would happen. However, nothing happened in those three days and she was forced to gather up all her courage to face the terror of knowing she could shortly be put to death. But she was resolved. “If I perish, I perish.”
I think it is interesting that God chose not to bring about an obvious, immediate miracle to release the Jews from this edict. So often I have prayed for something not to happen or to stop happening or to happen and God does not always answer the way I want. But does that preclude that God did not hear or does not care? No. Perhaps, as Beth says, the miracle is right in front of us but it is not what we expected or wanted and that “sometimes God’s hand is so close that it covers our eyes.” Mordecai made it clear that God would find a way to save His people but He chose to do it through Esther. It required much courage on her part and great trust in God’s purpose and sovereignty to face the king. I am sure she wondered, “What if....?”
I’ve had many “what ifs” float through my head over the years, most probably ridiculous and completely unwarranted. Unfortunately, I am a bit of worry wort. But God has confronted me with two over the last few years and particularly in the last year that have helped to resolve all of the what ifs. One of them came to a head in a short 5 minute span of time in the streets of Beirut one evening in early May as we scrambled to reach a place of refuge when chaos had quickly and unexpectedly broken out around us. We were extremely frightened but in one particular second my senses picked up on something that warned me of the very real risk of our situation. A huge “what if” dominated my thoughts immediately. I wish I could say that at that moment or at any time through that night and into the next morning I was filled with great peace as I would have hoped and even prayed. Not so, but it did come a week or so later. In fact, it is a peace unexplainable. I realized through that experience that God gives and takes away. He is the great giver of all things, the Sustainer, the Sovereign over all the earth. He understood the confusing politics that caused the chaos of that day and the days that preceded and followed. He understands all of history and controls it. He reminded me that not only does He rule the universe but He holds little me tightly in His grip and I am part of His great plan. He knows every breath I take. Nothing that happens, big or small, is an accident. It wasn’t an accident that we experienced that incident. And it wasn’t an accident that He brought us to a place of safety while others were not. I struggled with that a lot. But God knows. And He is good. I have to trust that. Period. And if we hadn’t made it to safety, then what? We were still safe! We were still in the tight grip of His hand, in His perfect will and whatever happened was part of His great plan of redemption for this world. Either way, He would be glorified. I cannot tell you how much this has radically changed my life. It has affected every area of my life. God has poured over me a greater peace and calm than I have ever known. My greatest fear no longer has a grip on me and I feel more than ever that My God is trustworthy. It has propelled me into a relationship and intimacy with Him that I haven’t known in a long, long time, if ever.
I’ve been able to take what I’ve learned from that experience and apply it to the other “what ifs” of life and much of my anxieties and worries have subsided. I still have sorrow from time to time with regard to the big “what if” looming over us about whether we will ever have children. But the fretting and anger and resentment have all but disappeared. Beth’s words were so encouraging. I needed to be reminded of what God has already been teaching me. He used her to bring it into a much more concise and clear focus. She said to fill in these blanks, “If ______, then ______? Then what? What happens when we pray and seemingly, there is no miracle? Then what? And then after that, then what? Then what? THEN WHAT? She challenged us to take it as far as we could. The only end we could come to is that then... God is good and He is faithful. Yes, there may be tears and devastation and all manor of emotions but then... He knows all things. Then... He loves me and knows the plans He has for me. Then...God will take care of me. Then... He holds me tightly in His hands. Then... He is my Hope and Joy and Satisfaction and Peace. He alone is my Rock and Strength and Salvation. Then...God is going to demonstrate His sufficiency in me. Then... He is enough. Then... He is my Treasure. Then...He is going to accomplish something monumental in me and perhaps even through me.
We must trust Him. Period. By trusting God in this way, we are released from the fear’s grip and the chains of lies Satan uses to frighten us and torment us. There is a miracle. It just might look a little different than we imagined.
“Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is Your Name.”
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