101 Posts! Plus Some Funny Stuff

This is my 101st post! I didn't know I had written the 100th post or I would have announced it then instead of at 101! I really love having a blog even though I don't write nearly as much as I used to or would like to. Just so you know, I write about 4 times as many blogs in my head as actually get written! Maybe more. Then I forget about them or when I actually have a minute to write, I don't really want to use the brain capacity to do so. I'd rather read or snooze. Babies and toddlers seem to zap all creative writing ability and wherewithal.

So, now I'm posting something new but it isn't even mine! I've read a lot of other people's blogs lately so I thought I would share them with you in a few blogs. They are all about being moms.

These two are from a blog a friend told me about - she gets a lot of recipes from her blog, and now I do too. This blogger mom of 4 boys is really funny and down to earth. I would love to be able to love cooking like she does. Not that I hate it, but she LOVES it and does is ALL the time. I was just perusing her blog trying to find out more about her than just her recipes. I came upon these two entries. The first one is about being a real mom and what that means. SO encouraging! The second is just hilarious. I laughed so hard I cried! Maybe you won't think it is that funny. I've just done stuff like she describes, very recently - a brain lapse. In fact, the other day one of my friends said thanks to me for an email I had sent (only 2 days before!) and I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had emailed her about. She is the one who had been sick for 1 1/2 weeks, is 20 something weeks pregnant and with 3 girls under 5 who have also been sick! Not me! But I had totally forgotten and had to ask her! How ridiculous and embarrassing!

Hope you enjoy these!

http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/will-all-of-the-real-moms-please-stand-up

http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/the-story-of-my-sleeves

A Blanket of Snow

The other day as Eric and I were driving to church, the Sunday after disappointing adoption news, a fresh covering of snow lay on the ground. The sun shone brightly and the day was just gorgeous except that it was 10 degrees outside. In the summer this place is so beautiful, one shade of green melts into another as huge trees grow into others and flowers bloom in beautifully landscaped yards and city squares. However, because there are very few evergreens here, winter is rather bare and gray. I've never really liked winter because of its bareness and chill, but as we rode through town, the soft blanket of snow warmed me to the season a little more. It truly did seem to cover up all that was ugly about winter.

I started to think about winter in regards to the seasons. I've always just viewed it as a season of deadness and dreariness compared to the others. Last year, as you all know, was the winter like no other. It snowed here so often and so much. We had snow on the ground continuously for a month, a short break and then for weeks again. The temperatures were bitter! Wind chills in the negative numbers. However, when the temperatures rose, the snow melted and life reawakened, the landscape was more beautiful and more green than ever. Plants grew like crazy! It seems that the snow acted to protect a lot of growing things from the bitter cold and served to water the earth when it melted.

In our lives we all hit seasons of great joy and amazing spiritual growth and sometimes life seems blah or dark and dreary and cold. Then there are some, like fall and winter that are a little of both extremes. As I looked at the snow laying so quietly on the ground, I felt encouraged that God's grace was like that snow, covering over us in these discouraging, dark days, protecting us in unforeseen ways, and that these hard days aren't just random days meant only for dreariness and frustration with no meaning but that they do serve a purpose, to promote the continuance of great growth in the Lord and for Him to exhibit His beauty in our lives, even in the midst of the winter seasons of our life.

We don't live in a world, spiritually speaking, where it is "always winter but never Christmas" like in Narnia before Aslan's victory. Christ did come in our spiritual winter to bring hope and life to our desperately needy souls. Though I don't like having to drive 30 minutes to church, I am grateful for that day's thoughtful drive and the beauty and hope and light that the Lord showed me that comes out of the deep darkness of a long winter and why I should rejoice even on the coldest, hardest days. Without winter, how could there be beautiful Spring?

Elisabeth Elliott Article

God has been teaching me more and more about dying to myself, especially since I have a little one around. (I'll write a blog about that someday soon!) I was looking for something else by Elisabeth Elliott, one of my heroes, and stumbled upon this article about how we think we are owed something and are so prideful and wrapped up in ourselves. I thought I would share it with you. Just click on the link to read it.

http://www.backtothebible.org/index.php/devotions/authors/elisabeth_elliot.html

In His Rest

Every time we lay Wesley down for a nap or bedtime we pat him on the back or side for a few minutes to settle him. Lately, I've started patting some and then just resting a slightly firm hand on his back or shoulder or bottom to help settle him more.

The other day I was thinking about this with regards to our walk with Jesus. I know the Bible speaks of resting in Him and of His hand upon us. He wants us to rest in Him but so often I squirm and fuss and try to keep my eyes open so to speak. I think very often in my life God is gently saying, "Shh" to me and pushing a little more with His hand to make me rest in Him. The difference between me patting Wes and putting my hand on him and God's hand on us is that I don't stay there for his entire nap! However, God's hand is always upon us. He is so trustworthy and such a good, good Father. I pray that I won't fight against Him so much with my fears, worries, anxieties, complaints, fussing and my tendency to need to be in control of all things at all times. I think God is seriously trying to break me of that and to trust and rest in Him always.

Here's a song we sang in church a few weeks ago. The words are quite fitting for our life right now.

Petition - Anne Steele, Sandra McCracken, Chelsey Scott

"Give me a calm, a thankful heart,

From every murmur free,

The blessings of thy grace impart,

And make me live to Thee.

You raise your hand to still the storms

That rage inside my head;

Revive my heart with gratitude,

Love, quell my doubt and dread.

Give me a sure and rested soul,

From every fear relieved,

Thy Spirit's power and presence mine,

To ever comfort me."

The Black Purse

We are in the middle of a 30 day waiting period regarding legal protocol for Wesley's adoption. It is something that is required in many states these days but it sure is nerve racking! I thought that the 30 days started when Wes turned 6 months old on August 16 but actually it didn't begin until August 30. So for two weeks I was anxious for no reason and then I found out that the anxious period has to draw out even longer!!!! ARgggh! Wesley is such a precious gift and a sweet little guy. I can't imagine not having him. When we found out the time period was two weeks off what we had thought and that we had to wait that much longer, Eric and I were pretty crushed.

It seems like this spring and summer have dealt us some difficult blows and this added to the list. We've been desperate for godly fellowship in this time but it seems to be alluding us. We so miss the continuous wellspring of spiritual encouragement in Norman! So we've found a church that we really like though it is quite a distance further than we'd prefer. We were so pumped about getting involved in a small group from the church starting up next week very near our house. However, true to all the other little and large disappointments these last several months, yesterday we've found out that they have had too many people sign up for the groups. Now, this is not a bad thing at all! It is amazing that they had 475 slots and 600 people signed up! (this church is only 2 years old!) However, they had to give the slots to the people who had been going the longest. That would not be us. :( There is another option for us but it just delays that much longer what we've so much been longing for. So, we were even more crushed last night.

I don't mean to have a pity party. Per usual, God has really been so gracious to us in this time. He's been teaching me so much about myself and about Him. Eric and I have drawn even closer to each other. It seems God is just clearing away more weeds in our lives.

So where does the title, "The Black Purse" fit into all this? Well, just after we found out we had to wait longer for the 30 days to be up Eric said, "Remember the black purse." He didn't need to say anything else. Here's the story:

We had three days left in Lebanon in 2008. We were at the end of ourselves completely - not much left in our reserve. However, we had been given the opportunity to go back down south to visit the people we had come to love so much over the past 8 months. And then we visited a very poor area on the coast as a means to be a light to the community. It was a great time but nonetheless we were still exhausted, emotionally spent and ready to return to the US. We took a bus back from the southern coastal town to Beirut with our bags and other paraphernalia in tow, stopping to change busses half way through the journey. After traveling for probably almost two hours, I realized that I didn't have my tiny black purse. With all the other bags we were carrying, the black purse was forgotten. Forget the money and credit cards it contained - more importantly it contained my passport!!!! I could not leave the country without it. We had plane tickets and were virtually packed and we couldn't leave the country!

We made several different phone calls trying to figure out if we could find the purse. When those came up a dead end, we called the embassy to try to figure out what to do. It seemed that the process could take up to two weeks! Oh brother! I totally melted. I took a shower and cried and cried and cried.

However, when I got out of the shower I heard Eric trying desperately to speak Arabic with a guy named Mohammad. Turns out, when we changed busses, someone had found my purse when they got on the bus. They gave it to the driver who in turn gave it to the bus station office. In my purse, they found a doctor's bill that had the doctor's phone number on it. They called the doctor's office to get my phone number. The doctor's office gave them my number and so they called us!!! Would that ever happen in America? The people who found the passport realized that it would be pretty important for me to have my passport and wanted to get it to me! Amazing! All along we thought it would be found and confiscated for some back ally plot or something crazy like that - this is where your mind goes when you are absolutely out of everything in your heart, soul and body and you've been living in a politically tense country! This shows what most Lebanese people are really like even in a pretty radical city that is not too fond of America.

The next day one of our friends who could speak very good Arabic was heading to the city where we had changed busses and retrieved the black purse for us. Hurray! Everything in the purse was in tact along with the passport and the doctor's bill, which I have kept for memories. (There's more tied up in that bill than just getting the passport back). However, the black purse was quickly retired when we returned to the US. It rests in my closet. I can't seem to throw it away. Eric will not ever let me buy a purse so small ever again. I guess I have to agree with him.

The Black Purse was a lesson in trusting completely in the will of God when we have absolutely no control over a situation. God could have chosen not to let us retrieve the passport but I am positive there would have been a good story with that outcome as well. So now, whenever we find ourselves in a situation that we can't control, all it takes is a mention of the black purse to bring us to our senses about God's hand on our life and that we are in His hands. He's trustworthy regardless of the situation, regardless of the outcome.

Fresh Eyes and Random Thoughts

This is just a bit of rambling from some thoughts from a Bible study Eric and I have started.

Eric has had a heart while at work to reach out to anyone with the gospel. He feels very inadequate about this but he amazes me. Frequently he comes home telling me of great spiritual conversations he's had with coworkers who are seeking to understand who Jesus is and exploring the truth of Christianity. As a result of regularly talking to some of the guys he works with he decided to start a kind of Bible study. We started doing this several months ago and have met on and off each week since. We are reading through the book of John. Eric facilitates the reading and the discussion, asking some of the same general questions each week like, "What does the passage tell us about Jesus, about God, about man, and about ourselves specifically?" And, "As a result, if this is true, how are we to respond to what we've learned?" The discussion has been so good that we almost always go past the hour and a half we have allotted and have still only made it to the end of John 4.

Since I am of a bit older generation and have spent most of my life around believers in the United States (overseas I was mostly around nonbelievers but the cultures and mindsets were completely different). Spending time with these few "seekers" has opened my eyes more to the philosophy of life in today's world. I've read some about this but it doesn't compare to listening to these guys and gals think out loud. I recognize that they are only a few in a sea of many but I think they fit a different mold than what we try to put people into. In visiting so many churches in this area trying to get settled, we've discovered so many that cater to what they think people want to hear so they will come to church. However, according to our Bible study group, this is not what they want. They want to see real worship not entertainment. They are deep thinkers. They want depth of teaching about the Bible, not something that just makes you feel good about yourself. They want real, meaningful relationships and conversations in the midst of our text-messaging, facebook, twitter world. They want an avenue to ask hard questions and not be blown off. And they want people to be real in answering the questions, who can truthfully say, "I don't know." They want conversations with people who really know the Word but don't flaunt it. They want to see faith and truth played out for real, with humility - not with perfection - in those who proclaim to follow Christ, so that they stand apart from the rest of the world. They are super smart and know when they are being catered to.

It has been really refreshing and challenging to be around this group. Each week I walk away contemplating my own walk with the Lord based on some of the profound comments they've made. It has caused me to reexamine much of my heart and attitudes and actions. I've even started reading the Bible differently, trying to see it with fresh eyes and looking at it much more deeply, asking some of those same questions that Eric asks as well as pondering some of the comments and questions from the group. It has made a big impact on my walk with the Lord.

I've learned a lot about the simplicity of teaching the Bible and discipleship through this group and it has confirmed what we experienced in Lebanon. We've read so many books about discipleship and listened to many sermons on the subject. We've tried those methods and though there are good parts, it often feels contrived. In our experience in Lebanon and with this Bible study, the best kind of disicpleship is simply reading the Bible together, mulling it over together and sharing life together. The Bible speaks for itself and it tells us how to live the Christian life. We don't need anything else, except of course the Holy Spirit to guide us.

It has also shown us that people are everywhere who are open to the gospel, you just have to put yourself out there to start conversations and share your own life with people. In Matt 28:19-20, we are called to take the gospel to all nations including our own, including our coworkers and neighbors. Of course, I am not advocating not going to other nations, (if you know me at all, you know I would Never advocate not going to other nations!) just that where ever God has you is a mission field.

What has been so neat is seeing the Word read through fresh eyes. Each week I am blown away by the profoundness of their thoughts and discussion about life and the world and even Christian faith and Jesus and humankind that they pull out of a passage that I had NEVER thought of. One guy made a comment a while ago that has stuck with me, that I keep going back to and thinking about as I read things in the Word or watch others who say they are believers. He said in a sense, "If this is really what the Bible says it is and the Bible is true, then this requires everything of me; this would completely change everything, I would want to give everything to it." Exactly! I think so often we jump in with sharing the gospel with people wanting to have a quick positive response without giving time for people to contemplate the cost or really even explaining the cost in the first place. True faith is a sacrifice of your life, giving your life, surrendering your life and all your rights to everything over to the Lord, making him the ruler of your life willingly as a result of understanding the scope of what Jesus did for us. Our friend recognized this and you could tell it wasn't an easy thing to process, naturally. But he's also made comments about the peace he sees in it.

I was reading in the Bible this morning at the end of John where Jesus asked Peter, "Do you truly love me?" I liked what the notes in the margin explain in regards to love and it fits perfect with our friend's comment on counting the cost. To "truly love" refers to a love in which the entire personality, including the will is involved. We give up our own will for His because we truly love Him, because He truly loved us. This is in effect what our friend was saying. And he didn't even have the notes! Isn't it beautiful and at the same time challenging to see the Word through fresh eyes and to see the Holy Spirit working so marvelously?

Going Home

I’ve been feeling a bit home sick lately - but for which home I cannot say. I miss Lebanon, I miss Georgia, I miss Oklahoma, - all for different reasons - ministry, old friends, even older friends and family, church, familiar scenery, adventure. We’ve struggled so much here to feel rooted and wondered countless times why God put us here. Sometimes it feels like we are in a holding pattern, like we’re trying to tread water upstream, pushing against some invisible wall, or even like we’ve gone backwards somehow or that we’re stuck. Moving to Lebanon and living there was tough (but worth it!). In some ways this has been even harder but for different reasons. However, if Wesley is our reason for being here, it is all well worth it! This reminded me of a blog entry I wrote at least a year ago but never posted. I read it today and it encouraged me. I thought I would finally post it. So here it is in italics.

I have to admit that over the last 6 years or so, I’ve had trouble knowing where “home” is. I lived in Lebanon for almost a year, then back to Ga for 6 months, then to Oklahoma for about 2 and a half years. Oklahoma became my new permanent home but for some reason I had trouble feeling completely settled there perhaps because of my own restless heart or perhaps because it was so different to me than what “home” had been to me in Ga for 30 years- family close by, friends I had known since elementary school - 20-30 year old friendships, beautiful landscapes and lots of memories. But Oklahoma had one thing Georgia did not and that was my wonderful hubby. It also had a church that offered deep, thorough biblical equiping that I never had but longed for and had prayed for. Eventually, the Lord allowed me to develop lasting, deep, godly friendships there that I know I will have for the rest of me life. This too had been a prayer of mine for years.

Then God put it on our hearts to leave that behind, to move to Lebanon. So we up and sold our house and moved to Lebanon, leaving no physical roots in Ok, except those of our friends and church. Home became South Lebanon for however long God wanted us there. It was difficult to plant any roots there not knowing how long we were going to be there but knowing too that our stay was most likely only a 6-9 month stay - not long enough to make a rented place a home, even though we tried hard to do so. We had to travel back and forth to Beirut a lot while we were there too so this made nesting difficult as well. While on one of our trips to Beirut, we were evacuated from that troubled city to a safer mountain retreat with no idea of being able to return to the friends and the few special possessions we had with us in southern Lebanon that made up our temporary home. We were able to get back to retrieve those things and say proper good-byes to our dear friends but for the remainder of our time there in Lebanon, about 1 month, we had to live with a brother-in Christ in Beirut out of our suitcases. We ached to be down south again with the friends we had made and to be settled.

Upon returning to the US we were not sure what the next step was even though we had been praying about it for months. So we became “sojourners,” “vagabonds,” traveling around the country visiting friends and family, living out of our suitcases for five more months. We wound up back in Norman, OK, our former home, for some semblance of normalcy and familiarity to keep our sanity. (I was slowly melting down at that point.)

I have written all of this to say that God has taught me something about “home” in all this, especially the last 8 months. God had taught me to be contented wherever I am physically for however long that might be, to “bloom where I’m planted,” to make the most of it, to see it as permanent even if it’s not. One thing has really stuck with me that a missionary said to us in Lebanon when we were contemplating buying a microwave. He said, “Wherever you are, plant your tent pegs deep.” We didn’t buy the microwave because it was really not all that suitable for the small amount of electricity our house could handle. However, what he said seemed profound at the time though its meaning took months to fully comprehend by living it out experientially. The idea of the tent implies something temporary - not knowing how long you will be in a place, but planting the pegs deep implies that while you’re there staying grounded, making roots, digging into life there, being fully involved. But at the same time being able to pull up those pegs when God says go without being hindered by too much baggage. I recognize that the older we get, the more we accumulate in things, friends, growing family that make it harder to pull up the pegs.

Another thing I’ve learned, and probably the more important thing is that home does not have to be a tangible place. It is not the stuff you put in your home either. It really is something you can’t touch. It is being with the ones you love, it is being fully in God’s will, it is living life on purpose for Christ no matter what or where, it is completely trusting His sovereignty when many things don’t seem to make sense, it is being completely satisfied and fully rested in Christ, safe in His arms, even if nothing around you feels safe or is safe or familiar or comforting.

Something else I’ve learned is that the Lord never fails us, that His grace is sufficient, He holds us in His hands tightly and that His Word is enough for us and completely reliable. We’ve also learned how much we miss and need and long for fellowship with the body of Christ.

There’s a song entitled Going Home that is part of a compilation one of our Lebanon teammates put together. It says somewhat how I feel. “I’ve been feeling kind of restless, I’ve been feeling out of place. I can hear a distance singing, a song that I can’t write and it echoes in what I’m always trying to say. There’s a feeling I can’t capture. It’s always just a prayer away. I want to know the ending, things hoped for and not seen but I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway. I’m confined by my senses to really know what You are like. You are more than I can fathom, more than I can guess, and more than I can see with human sight. But I have felt You with my spirit, I have felt You fill this room and this is just an invitation, just a sample of the whole and I cannot wait to be going home...Going Home. I’ll meet You at the table, I’ll meet You in the air. You are never to young to think about it. I cannot wait to be going home. Face to face face, how can it be... ”

We will probably never feel fully at home here on this earth. But one day we will be home forever, in our real homes, the homes built and intended for us. We won’t ever feel like sojourners, foreigners, aliens, out of place. We’ll be seated at the table of our dear Father who has adopted us for all eternity to be His sons. How beautiful!

a Small Note on Prayer

I read something in the Tim Keller study on the book of Mark this morning that I thought I would share with you.

Direction in Prayer:

"Jesus' prayer [in the garden] is a model. a) He is honest about his needs and feelings (let this cup pass from me). There is no 'denial' - no effort to say the 'proper Christian thing.' Wonderful spiritual reality. He lets his heart's desire be known. But, b) he shows the goal of prayer is not to bend God's will to ours but to conform our will to God's He is after strength and will to do God's will. Now real prayer will have both honest pouring out of the heart and yet an unwavering spirit of submission. To lack the former makes prayer superficial; to lack the latter makes prayer selfish.

Remembering and Glorifying

A few weeks ago, the sermon in church, focused on seeking satisfaction in God. The guest speaker pointed out ways that we can become one who loves God more than life, completely satisfied in Him, consumed with a holy passion for God. One of those ways was to remember what God has done in the past. We encourage remembering in our lives by writing down what God has done, meditating on it, reviewing it and frequently telling others. This in turn fuels satisfaction in Him. God reminded me of a big something today and put some more pieces together for me so I thought I would share it with you as a means to help me remember even more that I might be more satisfied in Him and Him be more glorified in me.

God usually reminds me of His past work in my life through songs. There is just something about a song that tunes my heart to Him in a different way than anything else, especially if I am reading the Bible while I am listening to music. (That is why I have posted so many entries with songs!) So, this afternoon I was being a bit crafty and listening to some Keith Green music. I decided that it would a good time to memorize some verses while I was cutting and gluing. Sure enough, as I had the Bible open while listening to some poignant words of praise, God reminded me of a specific time in my life that I am realizing more and more was one of those major pivotal points in my walk with the Lord from which many other things stem.

It was mid October 2001. That day I had been volunteering in New York City with the Salvation Army along with some others from my church in Georgia. We were assigned the task of listening to some of the victims of the 9/11 attacks in order to determine ways to help them, whether that be just with a hug, with financial help or with counseling. It was a really tough day. That night I spent some time journaling and felt burdened in my heart to pray to really, really know the Lord, deeply. I asked Him to reveal more of His character to me, to grow me so much more. He heard me and was faithful to be begin to answer in less than 18 hours.

The next day I worked at "ground zero." The day before we had walked around the perimeter trying to put some pieces of the tragic event together and pray. It was difficult to hold back the tears then. However, walking into its interior was quite a different experience. The destruction and smell of death were beyond description and terrified me.

In those moments as we slowly made our way into the heart of those 16 acres I literally felt my knees begin to buckle. We had come to bring smiles, compassion, warm hearts, listening ears, food and practical help to the men working there. What good would I be if, after only 10 minutes of trudging through the muck, I was about to pass out or lose my lunch? I prayed quickly for God to give me what I needed in order to do what He had brought me there to do. He immediately strengthened me and, in a way, numbed me to everything that overwhelmed my senses. He gave me some neat and unique opportunities that night to just be a light and be the "sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him" in that place.

The Lord taught me a great many things on that night and other times I spent there. But one thing stands out the most. Those first terrifying steps on that gray October day began a years-long journey deeper into the heart of God's character. Was I terrified of what more the terrorists could do? No, I was terrified of God. If man could devise such unspeakable destruction of enormous man-made structures and of man, what could God in His wrath and power do? My little Sunday School image of God was blown to pieces very quickly. I had God wrapped up in a little box of love, mercy and grace, someone to whom I could run to and crawl in His lap. I was confronted with some very different aspects of God's character like His wrath, His sovereignty, His justice and His power that I had seldom even thought to explore and as I wrote above, I was terrified. God, in future months and years-even up to the present day, would require that I not just explore but grapple and wrestle with who He really is and what He is really about as well as confront ugly things in my own heart. I asked for it. He took me seriously. And praise God!

Little did I know at the time what would be required of me. I am understanding more and more that in order to know God more I have to relinquish myself. I see now that much of my experiences since 10/01, stem from that prayer and have been an exercise in surrendering more of myself to Him, making my life more about Him and less about myself. I have found such freedom and peace in this and much of the insecurities I used to struggle with have dissolved. Inevitably as I do give up more of myself, He fills in the gaps with more understanding of who He is.

Also in discovering and digging deeper into the hard things of God's character, He's given me a fuller and richer understanding of God's love, grace and mercy in relationship to the other aspects of His character. This in turn gives me all the more reason to praise Him because I understand that He is all the more worthy. Not that my understanding of Him makes Him more worthy but my knowing Him better shows me more of His worthiness to be praised.

The journey, often difficult but filled with blessings, has completely transformed my whole life, my understanding of the Lord, how I think, how I desire to spend my days. I recognize now, more and more, that much of what I've experienced in my life since that day is a result of His faithfulness to reveal more of Himself to me and thus breaking me of myself. I barely knew what it meant to glorify God eight years ago but now as I remember God and what He has done in my life in order to give Him glory I see how understanding Him more only draws me to give Him glory and I delight in it all the more.

Here's the song that caused me to remember. Aspects of it made me think of what I prayed that night. Praise God for His faithfulness!

Rushing Wind by Keith Green

Rushing wind blow through this temple,

blowing out the dust within,

Come and breath Your breath upon me;

I've been born again.

Holy Spirit, I surrender.

Take me where You want to go

Plant me by Your living waters

Plant me deep so I can grow.

Jesus, You're the One

Who set my spirit free.

Use me Lord,

Glory Your holy name through me.

Separate me from this world Lord,

Sanctify my life for You

Daily change me to Your image.

Help me bear good fruit.

Everyday You're drawing closer

Trials come to test my faith

But when all is said and done

You know, its been worth the wait.

Jesus, You're the One

who set my spirit free

Use me Lord

Glorify Your holy name through me.

Rushing wind blow through this temple,

blowing out the dust within,

Come and breath Your breath upon me

I've been born again.

A Great Prayer

I found this while looking through some old journals. I think I'll keep it more handy.

"Give us, O Lord, steadfast hearts that cannot be dragged down by false loves;

give us courageous hearts that cannot be worn down by trouble;

give us righteous hearts that cannot be sidetracked by unholy or unworthy goals.

Give us also, our Lord and God, understanding to know you,

diligence to look for you, wisdom to recognize you,

and a faithfulness that will bring us to see you face to face.

Thomas A Kempis, 14th Century

Having Faith in Prayer

"Have faith in God. Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it shall be granted him. Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they shall be granted you." Mark 11:22-24

I read these verses today and pondered it a bit and read some commentary by Tim Keller. I learned a lot that really encouraged me. Often we read these verses and think that perhaps if I believe hard enough that what I pray for will be granted. And often when what we pray for isn't granted we attribute it to not having enough faith. But doesn't this put the focus on ourselves rather than on God?

Context is so important! First, Tim Keller makes a good point. Jesus prayed fervently for the "cup" to pass from him in Mark 14:35-36 but was turned down. Does this mean that Jesusdidn't have enough faith? I hardly think so! Second, this passage follows two passages having to do with God judgment on sin. Jesus is encouraging the disciples that though sin in prevalent, He still hear them. And lastly, Mark, in his usual brevity, is making a simple statement about the "endless possibilities" of prayer. "For the one who really trusts God, there is no end to what can be accomplished." He has the power to grant any request we ask.

And He also has the wisdom to not grant what He has the power to grant. As we pray we must trust not only His power to give us what we want but in His wisdom to know what I need or don't need and when. When we pray we aren't just to have faith in God's attribute of power, but in all of His attributes - His sovereignty, His wisdom, His love, His mercy, etc.

"If I refuse to believe that God could turn me down, that is itself a failure on my part to trust that His wisdom might be greater than mine."

God invites us to put faith in ALL of Him and, in doing so, attempt great things for Him and move toward them with confidence.

What encouragement this brings to me! Another lesson on trust to add to my ever growing repertoire!

The Horse and His Boy

I just finished listening to The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis on CD while painting one of our guest bedrooms. What a great book! I have read it before a couple of times and again I was moved to tears by Aslan's protection, providence and will, a picture of Christ over our individual lives and His creation as a whole. I read that this book is about finding one's home. The two talking horses from Naria who were stolen and sold to the people of Calormen. They were free creatures in Narnia so life in Calormen was like slavery. They sought the opportunity to escape and find their way back home to Narnia. The two children who are with them and are a means for them to escape, have never been to Narnia but have their own cruel, slave-like situations they are trying to escape.

As the book is indeed about the journey to reach Narnia, the original home of the horses and the intended new home for the girl, Avaris, and the boy, Shasta, I think it is much more about the invisible hand that guides our lives and world events. One of the allies of Narnia is under siege by the Calormen, but Aslan has complete control. He had planned for many years how the kingdom would be saved, even by the most unlikely person who in the end turns out to be someone quite different than even this person thought he was. (You'll have to read it for yourself - I am not giving it all away!!!) His life was rough in the beginning but it was all for a purpose far greater than even himself.

We know God works all things out for good to those who love Him but I think often we may make that "good" too small. Surely God will bring good in our lives through whatever we go through in life but what if God has had it planned since creation to have a far greater purpose like the salvation of another person, or a whole family or even a whole people group? When we think of God's providence we must think much bigger than ourselves. I was listening to a sermon by John Piper (also while painting) the other day about Jesus building His church and it made me think about the Horse and His Boy. Jesus said, "Upon this rock I WILL build my church." It is not of matter of maybe it will be done. He WILL do it and oftentimes it might be through ways we could never have imagined, when it seems absolutely impossible. Though the Horse and His Boy is not about building the church it is about a kingdom that Aslan sought to protect and did it in a way that would seem unlikely and unimaginable. "His ways are not our ways."

Here is my favorite part of the book. Shasta had been separated from the group of warriors on the way to fight against the Calormen who were attacking the allies of Narnia. Shasta was lamenting over his bad luck throughout his whole life and feeling left out, left behind and lost.

"And being so very tired and having nothing inside him, he felt so sorry for himself that the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"What put a stop to all this was a sudden fright. Shasta discovered that someone or somebody was walking beside him. It was pitch dark and he could see nothing. And the Thing (or Person) was going so quietly that he could hardly hear any footfalls. What he could hear was his breathing. His invisible companion seemed to breath on a very large scale... and he had come to notice the breathing so gradually that he really had no idea how long it had been there...

"The Thing (or Person) went on beside him so very quietly that Shasta began to hope he had only imagined it. But just as he was becoming quite sure of it, there suddenly came a deep, rich sigh out of the darkness beside him. That couldn't be imagination! Anyway, he had felt the hot breath of that sigh on his chilly left hand...

His horse was unreliable to make a run for it "so he went on at a steady walking pace and the unseen companion walked and breathed beside him. At last he could bear it no longer."

"Who are you?" he said, scarcely above a whisper... "You're not -- not something dead, are you? Oh, I am the unluckiest person in the whole world!" Once more he felt the warm breath of the Thing on his hand and face. "There," it said, "that is not the breath of a ghost. Tell me your sorrows." He told him of his hard childhood and the rough journey thus far.

"I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice. "Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta. "There was only one lion," said the voice. "What on earth do you mean? I've just told you there were at least two the first night and --" ...

"I was the lion." I was the lion who forced you to join with Avaris. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you could reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, as child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight to receive you."

"Who are you?" asked Shasta. "Myself," said the voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook... Shasta no longer felt afraid that the Thing would harm him but "a new and different sort of trembling came over him. Yet he felt glad too."

A light came on them and revealed the Thing. "He turned and saw, pacing beside him, taller than the horse, a Lion...after one glance at the Lion's face he slipped out of the saddle and fell at its feet. He couldn't say anything but then he didn't want to say anything and he knew he needn't say anything. "

"The High King above all kings stooped toward him. Its mane, and some strange and solemn perfume that hung about the man, was all round him. ..." After a bit the Lion was gone and Shasta wondered if it was just a dream. "But it couldn't have been a dream for there in the grass before him he saw the deep, large print of the Lion's front right paw."

The Lion is padding by our side and He leaves his heavy footprints and His breath everywhere. Do we see the evidence? Do we look for it? He WILL do what He says He will do and it WILL be for His glory and our good.

Unless You're Here

This is a song by Jamie Smith that I have really enjoyed over the last 6 months or so. Thought I would share the words with you. Enjoy!

Chaos surrounds me, unless You’re here

My heart has nothing, unless You’re here.

The blind lead the blind, unless You’re here.

My dreams are left behind, unless You’re here.

[Refrain] But there’s hope not just for tomorrow but for today, while Your mercy takes the sorrow as you show us with your grace that You’re here.

Our debt remains unpaid, unless You’re here

Our joy quickly fades, unless You’re here.

Songs have no meaning, unless You’re here.

No reason for singing, unless You’re here.

[Refrain]

Hearts will not be changed, unless You’re here.

Hope pursued in vain, unless You’re here.

My best will never do, unless You’re here.

Cause it would not include You, unless You’re here.

[Refrain]