Going Home

I’ve been feeling a bit home sick lately - but for which home I cannot say. I miss Lebanon, I miss Georgia, I miss Oklahoma, - all for different reasons - ministry, old friends, even older friends and family, church, familiar scenery, adventure. We’ve struggled so much here to feel rooted and wondered countless times why God put us here. Sometimes it feels like we are in a holding pattern, like we’re trying to tread water upstream, pushing against some invisible wall, or even like we’ve gone backwards somehow or that we’re stuck. Moving to Lebanon and living there was tough (but worth it!). In some ways this has been even harder but for different reasons. However, if Wesley is our reason for being here, it is all well worth it! This reminded me of a blog entry I wrote at least a year ago but never posted. I read it today and it encouraged me. I thought I would finally post it. So here it is in italics.

I have to admit that over the last 6 years or so, I’ve had trouble knowing where “home” is. I lived in Lebanon for almost a year, then back to Ga for 6 months, then to Oklahoma for about 2 and a half years. Oklahoma became my new permanent home but for some reason I had trouble feeling completely settled there perhaps because of my own restless heart or perhaps because it was so different to me than what “home” had been to me in Ga for 30 years- family close by, friends I had known since elementary school - 20-30 year old friendships, beautiful landscapes and lots of memories. But Oklahoma had one thing Georgia did not and that was my wonderful hubby. It also had a church that offered deep, thorough biblical equiping that I never had but longed for and had prayed for. Eventually, the Lord allowed me to develop lasting, deep, godly friendships there that I know I will have for the rest of me life. This too had been a prayer of mine for years.

Then God put it on our hearts to leave that behind, to move to Lebanon. So we up and sold our house and moved to Lebanon, leaving no physical roots in Ok, except those of our friends and church. Home became South Lebanon for however long God wanted us there. It was difficult to plant any roots there not knowing how long we were going to be there but knowing too that our stay was most likely only a 6-9 month stay - not long enough to make a rented place a home, even though we tried hard to do so. We had to travel back and forth to Beirut a lot while we were there too so this made nesting difficult as well. While on one of our trips to Beirut, we were evacuated from that troubled city to a safer mountain retreat with no idea of being able to return to the friends and the few special possessions we had with us in southern Lebanon that made up our temporary home. We were able to get back to retrieve those things and say proper good-byes to our dear friends but for the remainder of our time there in Lebanon, about 1 month, we had to live with a brother-in Christ in Beirut out of our suitcases. We ached to be down south again with the friends we had made and to be settled.

Upon returning to the US we were not sure what the next step was even though we had been praying about it for months. So we became “sojourners,” “vagabonds,” traveling around the country visiting friends and family, living out of our suitcases for five more months. We wound up back in Norman, OK, our former home, for some semblance of normalcy and familiarity to keep our sanity. (I was slowly melting down at that point.)

I have written all of this to say that God has taught me something about “home” in all this, especially the last 8 months. God had taught me to be contented wherever I am physically for however long that might be, to “bloom where I’m planted,” to make the most of it, to see it as permanent even if it’s not. One thing has really stuck with me that a missionary said to us in Lebanon when we were contemplating buying a microwave. He said, “Wherever you are, plant your tent pegs deep.” We didn’t buy the microwave because it was really not all that suitable for the small amount of electricity our house could handle. However, what he said seemed profound at the time though its meaning took months to fully comprehend by living it out experientially. The idea of the tent implies something temporary - not knowing how long you will be in a place, but planting the pegs deep implies that while you’re there staying grounded, making roots, digging into life there, being fully involved. But at the same time being able to pull up those pegs when God says go without being hindered by too much baggage. I recognize that the older we get, the more we accumulate in things, friends, growing family that make it harder to pull up the pegs.

Another thing I’ve learned, and probably the more important thing is that home does not have to be a tangible place. It is not the stuff you put in your home either. It really is something you can’t touch. It is being with the ones you love, it is being fully in God’s will, it is living life on purpose for Christ no matter what or where, it is completely trusting His sovereignty when many things don’t seem to make sense, it is being completely satisfied and fully rested in Christ, safe in His arms, even if nothing around you feels safe or is safe or familiar or comforting.

Something else I’ve learned is that the Lord never fails us, that His grace is sufficient, He holds us in His hands tightly and that His Word is enough for us and completely reliable. We’ve also learned how much we miss and need and long for fellowship with the body of Christ.

There’s a song entitled Going Home that is part of a compilation one of our Lebanon teammates put together. It says somewhat how I feel. “I’ve been feeling kind of restless, I’ve been feeling out of place. I can hear a distance singing, a song that I can’t write and it echoes in what I’m always trying to say. There’s a feeling I can’t capture. It’s always just a prayer away. I want to know the ending, things hoped for and not seen but I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway. I’m confined by my senses to really know what You are like. You are more than I can fathom, more than I can guess, and more than I can see with human sight. But I have felt You with my spirit, I have felt You fill this room and this is just an invitation, just a sample of the whole and I cannot wait to be going home...Going Home. I’ll meet You at the table, I’ll meet You in the air. You are never to young to think about it. I cannot wait to be going home. Face to face face, how can it be... ”

We will probably never feel fully at home here on this earth. But one day we will be home forever, in our real homes, the homes built and intended for us. We won’t ever feel like sojourners, foreigners, aliens, out of place. We’ll be seated at the table of our dear Father who has adopted us for all eternity to be His sons. How beautiful!

Scripture Storyline

Are you looking forward to the New Year? Would you like to start it out with a new Bible reading plan? The pastor of our church has worked long and hard on a year-long Bible reading plan that gives commentary and application for each day that you read. Thought-provoking and well-written, it is an excellent way to start the year and to encourage a daily time with the Lord.

Enjoy! Here is the link: http://www.scripturestoryline.com/

To Give or Not To Give

Over the years and even more so recently, I've pondered whether I should give money to the homeless person on the street corner or to beggars that walk the streets in foreign countries and even in our own land. I feel a great tinge of conviction in my heart when I just drive by going on about my happy, well-provided for life.

The argument from many has been that they will just use it for sordid means. Yes, perhaps. Maybe that is more than likely the case, but how do we know? How do we discern? Sometimes it is easy to tell, but sometimes it isn't.

Jesus said, "For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me. Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give you a drink?' ... Then the King will answer them, saying, ' Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'" Matt. 25:35-40

When we give we are serving the Lord. My thought has been that sometimes we just don't know the motives and intentions of people but is it up to us to make that judgment? The person who approaches us is in definite and obvious need regardless. Should we not give and let God work it out?

Well, my thoughts were put to the test the other day. We were shopping at Home Depot and I happened to be perusing the bushes outside by the parking lot while Eric went inside to get some electrical material. A man approached me who was obviously in need, though not too destitute looking. He told me a story that sounded legitimate about needing money to get back to the Salvation Army and to buy a few legitimate, inexpensive things at the store. I felt this tugging in my heart to put action to what I had been pondering. I wanted to offer to take him to the Salvation Army or to the store to get the other things he said he needed but I didn't feel like I was in a position to do that with Eric in the store where I'd have to track him down. So I gave him some money, probably more than I should have but I didn't have smaller bills.

I went inside and told Eric and he scolded me. He said that guy had approached him before with a similar story, though not exactly the same one, which led me to believe that it wasn't true at all. I was utterly discouraged. I felt like I had done the right thing and now I realized I had been scammed! I was really bothered by it. But Eric agreed with me that God knew my heart in it and that is what matters.

The next day, Eric discovered that the car we had driven to Home Depot had a flat tire. Somehow our tire was damaged in the Home Depot parking lot. So Eric took off the wheel and took it up the street to Sears. The repairmen fixed the flat and wrote up the bill. However, they said not to worry about it, that it was a really cheap part and it didn't take much of their time!!! Who does that? Especially in this recession? And do you know how much the bill was for that we didn't have to pay? The same amount I gave the guy in the Home Depot parking lot!

So, the trip to Home Depot resulted in either giving up money for the man in the parking lot who was less than truthful but needy nonetheless, or giving up the money to Sears. The money we have is not our own. God will do with it what He will. And, God rewards those who follow His prompting even if it doesn't make sense to us.

Of course I will always try to do as the Spirit leads me but I might use a little more wisdom and thought about how to best help next time. In Jesus example no money was given, only the tangible resources that were needed. So perhaps it is better to offer to take the person to a store or drive them where they need to go which, by the way, is what Eric had offered to the man in the parking lot when he had been approached by him. The needy man declined. However, there are people with legitimate needs who are not trying to swindle us. Perhaps the best way to give to them is through an organization or ministry that reaches out to them or through food and clothing donations or through volunteering.

Regardless, the Old and New Testaments are wrought with commands, instructions and requirements to give to the poor. It is not an option. You cannot get through the Pentateuch or the prophet books without recognizing this. To neglect this task is to bring judgment upon ourselves and even our nation (as in the case with Israel), to neglect the Holy Spirit and to disobey the Lord. Be faithful and compassionate and wise with what God has given. It isn't ours anyway.

Words Aptly Spoken

I have been really bothered lately by some of the comments that are posted after news articles (Op Ed, etc) and blog entries that are primarily written for the Christian public. I am not bothered by the dissenters, especially those who phrase their words intelligently and respectfully. Is that not what the comment section is for in most cases? To write our opinion? What really bothers me are those who dissent without tact or respect or appropriateness, to the dissenters. It is not the dissenting that bothers me. Dissenting is inherent for the function of our nation. Without dissension their is no democracy. However, it is the manner in which it is done that irks me.

For example, here are two comments posted after an article on words banned from public schools that elides into a discussion of the elimination of the word "sin" from public discourse and even by some pastors. It was not a news article per say, but simply a commentary on the writer's observations as well as a fairly forthright discussion of salvation by grace.

First commenter: This post is an excellent argument for ensuring the word “sin” is purged from our public school curriculum. Sin, salvation, grace and hellfire have absolutely no place in our public schools."

The response: [The person above] is a sinner who is going to hell to suffer eternal seperation from God if he does not accept the salvation that God graciously offers to us all. No amount of denying or changing the words used will change the truths they describe.

I am not saying that what commenter #2 said is not true. Perhaps it is. We cannot know the condition of someone's heart by one comment we disagree with. However, even if we know for certain it is true, is it appropriate at that time to write that comment in that way? Are those words written in that way going to convince the first commenter of his need for a Savior? And to the topic at hand, is it going to convince him to rethink his views about the words used in public schools? If I were the first commenter, that comment would convince me even more about what I had written. That is just me though. Perhaps it might just be what he needs.

I see comments and even whole blogs like this all the time and it drives me nuts! About half of these are written with more harshness, disrespect or even anger and are often written grammatically incorrect and irrationally or unfounded. This drives me crazy! How is this going to draw someone to Christ whose ire is already raised by what was written in the original article or post?

Dont' get me wrong. I do not believe in watering things down to make them sound more tolerable and less offensive with regard to the gospel. However, I believe that there is a time and a place and a way to talk about it that is more likely to draw someone to Christ rather than push them away and make them more convinced of what they already believe.

I've experienced first hand how our response can make a difference to someone hostile to the gospel. One of the professors that I worked under as a GRA while I was in grad school was an atheist and seemed to find pleasure in trying to disprove and bring down all manner of religion, especially Christianity. This was much of the focus of his intro level World History class. I was appalled at how some of the students who professed to be Christians responded! I cringed! Many of them spoke in anger (the prof's words stirred anger in me as well), often shouting completely from emotion, showed they had a weak foundation of understanding and were unable to articulate themselves and their beliefs intelligently (this professor was brilliant). Oftentimes I left the class more frustrated at what the Christians had said than at the professor. I could see him mentally and visibly blowing these students off.

However, he would listen to me. He said he respected me on an intellectual level because I was a grad student (though I felt completely inferior to him intellectually) and I had his ear. But I think also it was because, after seeing his response to the other students, I tried to respond to him respectfully, calmly (though his intelligence greatly intimidated me, and I was boiling inside at times by some of his comments to the class) and rationally instead of with my emotions. (Also extremely difficult. I cried later!) After class I would share my thoughts with him and some crazed student would butt in and shout scripture with a hateful tone and go off on some irrational tangent. Instead, I tried to really think about what the prof had been saying and what I wanted to say in response and have something to back me up whether from the Bible or history or both. He had little respect for the Bible but still appreciated that I at least knew where things were in the Bible that answered what he had been discussing. He would listen to me. Not only that, he shared more deeply with me what he really believed from which I found his atheistic tendencies were more fragile than he portrayed to class. He was sincerely curious about my faith and the mission work I had done. He invited me to have more discussions with him after class about these things. Often times he baffled me to the point that I could not give an answer but he was okay with that as opposed to me trying to save face somehow. Even though sometimes he made me so upset by his comments in class, I grew to appreciate his personality and to respect his intellect. I think this made a difference as well. As I prayed for him and his family, my compassion for him also grew.

I write all this to say that we as followers of Christ need to be bold and courageous and forthright but we need to be wise and speak or write our words in a timely manner, prayerfully, calmly, respectfully, without sarcasm or exaggeration, intelligently, with foundation (if the need for news or historical facts are involved) and with love and grace (even if we are angry). This, I think, will do far more to gain the ear of someone and draw them to Christ. If you are a follower of Christ, let it be known not just by the words you speak or write but also by the way in which you do so. I myself am highly opinionated (in case you didn't know!) and quick-tempered so this is often a challenge for me and requires much prayer! God has been challenging me lately to be more quick to listen and to be much more careful with my words.

"Let you speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how to respond to each person." Col 4:6 (Think of the role of salt in food - it makes it more flavorful, enjoyable and palatable.)

" If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and know all the mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." I Cor. 13:1-2

About Me

This is a picture of my husband and I in front of our old house before we sold it in September of 2007. Since then we have been overseas for 8 months in the Middle East and then traveling to and fro throughout the southern Midwest and Southeast, living out of suitcases and staying with gracious and wonderful friends and family, and finally we have settled down in Overland Park, Kansas, a pretty suburb of Kansas City.

I am originally from Georgia. My wonderful husband, Eric, is from New York and Iowa but lived in Oklahoma for 15 years. We have been very happily married since January 2005. You might ask how in the world we met. Quite simple! We met in the Middle East! Isn’t that the most sensible answer? Our first unofficial date was at a Starbucks on the beautiful Mediterranean Sea. We were married 7 months later! Here are a few interesting tidbits about me.

We now have a son named Wesley Joseph born February 16, 2010. He is the cutest thing ever! He is such an amazing gift. We waited 4 and 1/2 years for this precious treasure. He is a happy little guy that gives us such delight.

I love to read and write, two things I used to not be very good at and didn't do very much. I like to create things and I am a teacher at heart. I absolutely love history, so much so that I got a Masters Degree in it a couple of years ago. Traveling adventures and learning new languages bring me much delight! I adore my hubby! He is my perfect mate, so steady and calm, quite the opposite of me. And most of all, I love Jesus. It is my desire to know Him more and more and to bring others along with me, to not settle for ho-hum Christianity that has nothing real behind it except the right things to say and do. I want to live my life as did Jim Elliot (slain missionary to the Aucas in Ecuador), to not be satisfied with the "usual."

I dreamed as a young girl of traveling all over the world. God has been so gracious to lead me on some awesome adventures overseas to places like Belarus and Lebanon - even to live there for a while. I've also been to Mexico, St. Lucia, Syria, Jordan, Cyprus, Austria, Germany, London and Paris at least for a few hours up to a week or two and to at least half the states in the US. This is truly something the Lord has put in my heart given that no one on either side of my immediate or extended family has ever left the country except for maybe to Mexico.

Favorite Quotes

• You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy for you to believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose that you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it? … Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief. –C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

• He is no fool to give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. Jim Elliot

Favorite Books (Ones I read over and over)

• The Letter to the Philippians by The Apostle Paul
  
• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
• Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot
• The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom
• The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis
• A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers
• God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew
• John Adams by David McCullough
• Little House on the Prairie Series Laura Ingalls Wilder
• All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

Favorite Movies (Ones I watch over and over!)

• Pride & Prejudice
• Amazing Grace
• Chariots of Fire
• The Lord of the Rings
• Narnia
• Sense & Sensibility
• Singing in the Rain
• The Parent Trap
• Anne of Green Gables

Favorite Things to Do

• Read History, Classical Education, Theology, the Bible, Biographies, children’s books
• Play with Wesley - I love his giggles!
• Write blogs, emails & children’s stories
• Play outside with plants
• Go on hikes or walks in the woods, in the mountains
• Sew, Crochet, Cross Stitch, make cards, paint,
• Peruse Book stores & libraries
• Chat with friends
• Talk about Jesus, discuss theology, missions and history!
• Find and cook new nourishing and frugal recipes.

Things I've Always Wanted to Do

• Have a large family
• Tap Dance
• Be a chef
• Go to Africa
• Run a children’s bookstore
• Start a classical school for underprivileged children
• Write children’s books
• Go on an archaeological dig
• Travel back to Jane Austen’s time give or take 100 years.

Welcome to Kansas City

I have been meaning to write this blog since mid-November when we found out we would be moving to Kansas City. We don’t actually live in Kansas City proper, not even in Missouri. We live in Overland Park Kansas which is only about 20-30 minutes from downtown and basically is something like a second tier suburb - it all just kind of runs together. Our town has 155,000 people. The county we live in has 450,000 people blending together about nine other towns besides ours that kind circle around Overland Park, all of this southwest of Kansas City. Nearly 2/3 of the people in our county also work here! 

The Missouri River cuts across Kansas City and forms the border between Kansas and Missouri. This area was originally a series of French trading posts that traded goods with the local Native Americans, the Kansas, Osage, Wyandotte and Shawnee tribes. The Sante Fe and Oregon Trails began just east of Kansas City in Independence, Missouri, known as the “Gateway to the West.” Civil War battles were fought around this area where the Confederate hopes for victory in Missouri were dashed. The railroad came in 1865 and grew to what is now the 2nd largest rail center in the United States. It is also 2nd in wheat flour production, 3rd in grain elevator storage capacity and 4th in consulting engineers (Eric’s company has over 10,000 employees!) It has 15 four-year colleges, 61 community colleges, 60 public libraries,  5 major entertainment districts, 162 movie theaters, 600 parks, 400 shopping centers and 40 museums. Overland Park is the second largest city in Kansas, ranks second among US cities in livability and ranked 6th in the country on the list of “Top 100 Best Places to Live in the US” in 2006. There are 78 parks, miles and miles of walking and biking trails, and we are within five minutes of a grocery store, Home Depot, barbeque, Sears and Macy’s and within 5-10 minutes to many other stores like Whole Foods, Borders, Starbucks, Fuddruckers and Panera and much, much more! We also have an Apple Store, Crate & Barrel and The Cheesecake Factory all 10-15 minutes away!

Famous people around here are Daniel Boone, Dale Carnegie, George Washington Carver, William Clark, Walter Cronkite, T.S Eliot, Meriwether Lewis, John Pershing, Dred Scot, Harry Truman and Mark Twain - all from Missouri. From Kansas were Walter Chrysler, Amelia Earhart, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Wild Bill Hickock, James Naismith, Walt Disney, Mickey Mouse and Dorothy and Toto. :)

We have really enjoyed our house so far. We’ve had a lot of big and small projects to work on but we’ve enjoyed doing them for the most part. We’ve met 3 sets of neighbors and have been invited over for desert by one of them. One of Eric’s coworkers and his wife have invited us over for dinner a couple of times and we just found out that the family that is living in the apartment we lived in in Lebanon has family here in Overland Park! We are hopefully going to meet up with them this weekend. We’ve had visits from Eric’s family a few times and from my oldest and dearest friend in Georgia and her family. We invite you to come and visit us anytime and we will show you around our new city and maybe you can venture out with us to find new things to do. 

B4J Introduction

So, how did I come up with the title for my blog? I am glad you asked. Each “b” word has significance to me and they represent categories of things I want to write about.

Boats - Amy Carmichael, a missionary to Japan and more notably, India, was waiting on the docks to leave Japan for a different destination. The boat had been scheduled for a certain day and time but they waited for at least a week before they embarked, true to the culture. A colleague tried to encourage the weary, frustrated and increasingly impatient Amy with these words, “God knows about the boats.” Over the last several years God has taught me a lot through the slow-going, plan/dream shifting, patience-testing, sometimes painful “boats” of life. So under this category I want to share the things that God has taught me through this voyage which has yet to find port. I’ve encountered rough seas, of course, but I find it well worth it given the blessings Christ has bestowed on me along the way. I hope that you will be encouraged by the things that God has taught me. He does know about the boats. He has made me very well aware of it. In this I rejoice. Yes, and I rejoice!

Barnacles - You know these, the hard crusty animals that live on the sides of boats that seem to be a permanent fixture. Sometimes these critters on the sides of water craft make great photographs but generally they are a nuisance and detract from the intrinsic beauty of the vessel. It takes a lot of work to get them off and they leave spots behind. Barnacles are to me analogous to my nasty flesh left behind from the old nasty habits before I met Christ that God has been chipping away since I met Him. This process is often painful but also relieving. Many times chipping away one “barnacle” reveals 10 more but what is encouraging to me is that underneath these clingy critters there is a beautiful boat that God created to do good works as a result of my salvation by faith. So, you will find blog entries dealing with these ugly barnacles as He teaches me and continues to scrape them off.

Books - Oh glorious books!!!! If you know me at all, you know I love books and generally have a stack of 5 or 6 that I am reading at a time. Undoubtedly I will have to write about the books I read. But this category is not just about books. it is about anything that makes us think and stretches my brain - issues of the day, articles I’ve read, missions, history, etc. I absolutely love learning! I have a passion and heart’s desire to not be an ignorant believer. I believe we need to be aware of the world around us and be able to engage an intelligent world in intelligent oral and in written communication. This will be the outpouring of what I’m learning. And I want to be an encourager to wives and moms that we don’t have to or need to “check our brain at the door.” By having solid foundations in our faith and key areas of knowledge we can have a huge impact on our families, communities, nation and world.

Bungalows - I love bungalows. But I am not really going to write specifically about bungalows. This is just another way to mean things of the home. One thing I have always wanted to do (and am doing now) is be a house wife among a thousand other things. I want my home to be one of peace and rest. God has been teaching me so much about living a simple life lately, less clutter and clamor all around. I want to share these thoughts with you. Also, I love the challenge of eating frugally and more and more I have been trying to adopt eating whole foods, completely unprocessed. So, I want to share recipes and tips and ideas with you.

B4J - This is part of the URL for this blog site taken from the 4 b’s and the J stands for Jesus. B4Jesus! I want my life to be lived out for Jesus in action and in words and through that see others come to know Him and grow in Him. I don’t want this blog to be about me, pointing back to me, tooting my own horn or any such thing like that. I want God to use these b’s in my life to bring about the glory of Jesus Christ.

Enjoy! I hope you find this not just jargon and rhetoric but beneficial to you.