Going Home

I’ve been feeling a bit home sick lately - but for which home I cannot say. I miss Lebanon, I miss Georgia, I miss Oklahoma, - all for different reasons - ministry, old friends, even older friends and family, church, familiar scenery, adventure. We’ve struggled so much here to feel rooted and wondered countless times why God put us here. Sometimes it feels like we are in a holding pattern, like we’re trying to tread water upstream, pushing against some invisible wall, or even like we’ve gone backwards somehow or that we’re stuck. Moving to Lebanon and living there was tough (but worth it!). In some ways this has been even harder but for different reasons. However, if Wesley is our reason for being here, it is all well worth it! This reminded me of a blog entry I wrote at least a year ago but never posted. I read it today and it encouraged me. I thought I would finally post it. So here it is in italics.

I have to admit that over the last 6 years or so, I’ve had trouble knowing where “home” is. I lived in Lebanon for almost a year, then back to Ga for 6 months, then to Oklahoma for about 2 and a half years. Oklahoma became my new permanent home but for some reason I had trouble feeling completely settled there perhaps because of my own restless heart or perhaps because it was so different to me than what “home” had been to me in Ga for 30 years- family close by, friends I had known since elementary school - 20-30 year old friendships, beautiful landscapes and lots of memories. But Oklahoma had one thing Georgia did not and that was my wonderful hubby. It also had a church that offered deep, thorough biblical equiping that I never had but longed for and had prayed for. Eventually, the Lord allowed me to develop lasting, deep, godly friendships there that I know I will have for the rest of me life. This too had been a prayer of mine for years.

Then God put it on our hearts to leave that behind, to move to Lebanon. So we up and sold our house and moved to Lebanon, leaving no physical roots in Ok, except those of our friends and church. Home became South Lebanon for however long God wanted us there. It was difficult to plant any roots there not knowing how long we were going to be there but knowing too that our stay was most likely only a 6-9 month stay - not long enough to make a rented place a home, even though we tried hard to do so. We had to travel back and forth to Beirut a lot while we were there too so this made nesting difficult as well. While on one of our trips to Beirut, we were evacuated from that troubled city to a safer mountain retreat with no idea of being able to return to the friends and the few special possessions we had with us in southern Lebanon that made up our temporary home. We were able to get back to retrieve those things and say proper good-byes to our dear friends but for the remainder of our time there in Lebanon, about 1 month, we had to live with a brother-in Christ in Beirut out of our suitcases. We ached to be down south again with the friends we had made and to be settled.

Upon returning to the US we were not sure what the next step was even though we had been praying about it for months. So we became “sojourners,” “vagabonds,” traveling around the country visiting friends and family, living out of our suitcases for five more months. We wound up back in Norman, OK, our former home, for some semblance of normalcy and familiarity to keep our sanity. (I was slowly melting down at that point.)

I have written all of this to say that God has taught me something about “home” in all this, especially the last 8 months. God had taught me to be contented wherever I am physically for however long that might be, to “bloom where I’m planted,” to make the most of it, to see it as permanent even if it’s not. One thing has really stuck with me that a missionary said to us in Lebanon when we were contemplating buying a microwave. He said, “Wherever you are, plant your tent pegs deep.” We didn’t buy the microwave because it was really not all that suitable for the small amount of electricity our house could handle. However, what he said seemed profound at the time though its meaning took months to fully comprehend by living it out experientially. The idea of the tent implies something temporary - not knowing how long you will be in a place, but planting the pegs deep implies that while you’re there staying grounded, making roots, digging into life there, being fully involved. But at the same time being able to pull up those pegs when God says go without being hindered by too much baggage. I recognize that the older we get, the more we accumulate in things, friends, growing family that make it harder to pull up the pegs.

Another thing I’ve learned, and probably the more important thing is that home does not have to be a tangible place. It is not the stuff you put in your home either. It really is something you can’t touch. It is being with the ones you love, it is being fully in God’s will, it is living life on purpose for Christ no matter what or where, it is completely trusting His sovereignty when many things don’t seem to make sense, it is being completely satisfied and fully rested in Christ, safe in His arms, even if nothing around you feels safe or is safe or familiar or comforting.

Something else I’ve learned is that the Lord never fails us, that His grace is sufficient, He holds us in His hands tightly and that His Word is enough for us and completely reliable. We’ve also learned how much we miss and need and long for fellowship with the body of Christ.

There’s a song entitled Going Home that is part of a compilation one of our Lebanon teammates put together. It says somewhat how I feel. “I’ve been feeling kind of restless, I’ve been feeling out of place. I can hear a distance singing, a song that I can’t write and it echoes in what I’m always trying to say. There’s a feeling I can’t capture. It’s always just a prayer away. I want to know the ending, things hoped for and not seen but I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway. I’m confined by my senses to really know what You are like. You are more than I can fathom, more than I can guess, and more than I can see with human sight. But I have felt You with my spirit, I have felt You fill this room and this is just an invitation, just a sample of the whole and I cannot wait to be going home...Going Home. I’ll meet You at the table, I’ll meet You in the air. You are never to young to think about it. I cannot wait to be going home. Face to face face, how can it be... ”

We will probably never feel fully at home here on this earth. But one day we will be home forever, in our real homes, the homes built and intended for us. We won’t ever feel like sojourners, foreigners, aliens, out of place. We’ll be seated at the table of our dear Father who has adopted us for all eternity to be His sons. How beautiful!