About Me

This is a picture of my husband and I in front of our old house before we sold it in September of 2007. Since then we have been overseas for 8 months in the Middle East and then traveling to and fro throughout the southern Midwest and Southeast, living out of suitcases and staying with gracious and wonderful friends and family, and finally we have settled down in Overland Park, Kansas, a pretty suburb of Kansas City.

I am originally from Georgia. My wonderful husband, Eric, is from New York and Iowa but lived in Oklahoma for 15 years. We have been very happily married since January 2005. You might ask how in the world we met. Quite simple! We met in the Middle East! Isn’t that the most sensible answer? Our first unofficial date was at a Starbucks on the beautiful Mediterranean Sea. We were married 7 months later! Here are a few interesting tidbits about me.

We now have a son named Wesley Joseph born February 16, 2010. He is the cutest thing ever! He is such an amazing gift. We waited 4 and 1/2 years for this precious treasure. He is a happy little guy that gives us such delight.

I love to read and write, two things I used to not be very good at and didn't do very much. I like to create things and I am a teacher at heart. I absolutely love history, so much so that I got a Masters Degree in it a couple of years ago. Traveling adventures and learning new languages bring me much delight! I adore my hubby! He is my perfect mate, so steady and calm, quite the opposite of me. And most of all, I love Jesus. It is my desire to know Him more and more and to bring others along with me, to not settle for ho-hum Christianity that has nothing real behind it except the right things to say and do. I want to live my life as did Jim Elliot (slain missionary to the Aucas in Ecuador), to not be satisfied with the "usual."

I dreamed as a young girl of traveling all over the world. God has been so gracious to lead me on some awesome adventures overseas to places like Belarus and Lebanon - even to live there for a while. I've also been to Mexico, St. Lucia, Syria, Jordan, Cyprus, Austria, Germany, London and Paris at least for a few hours up to a week or two and to at least half the states in the US. This is truly something the Lord has put in my heart given that no one on either side of my immediate or extended family has ever left the country except for maybe to Mexico.

Favorite Quotes

• You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy for you to believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose that you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it? … Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief. –C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

• He is no fool to give up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. Jim Elliot

Favorite Books (Ones I read over and over)

• The Letter to the Philippians by The Apostle Paul
  
• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
• Shadow of the Almighty by Elisabeth Elliot
• The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom
• The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis
• A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers
• God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew
• John Adams by David McCullough
• Little House on the Prairie Series Laura Ingalls Wilder
• All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

Favorite Movies (Ones I watch over and over!)

• Pride & Prejudice
• Amazing Grace
• Chariots of Fire
• The Lord of the Rings
• Narnia
• Sense & Sensibility
• Singing in the Rain
• The Parent Trap
• Anne of Green Gables

Favorite Things to Do

• Read History, Classical Education, Theology, the Bible, Biographies, children’s books
• Play with Wesley - I love his giggles!
• Write blogs, emails & children’s stories
• Play outside with plants
• Go on hikes or walks in the woods, in the mountains
• Sew, Crochet, Cross Stitch, make cards, paint,
• Peruse Book stores & libraries
• Chat with friends
• Talk about Jesus, discuss theology, missions and history!
• Find and cook new nourishing and frugal recipes.

Things I've Always Wanted to Do

• Have a large family
• Tap Dance
• Be a chef
• Go to Africa
• Run a children’s bookstore
• Start a classical school for underprivileged children
• Write children’s books
• Go on an archaeological dig
• Travel back to Jane Austen’s time give or take 100 years.

Blog Highlight: Personal Responsibility

Hi All,

Here is a blog written by our pastor in Norman, OK on the personal responsibility required for a government of democracy vs the entitlement that is now often demanded. I thought this would be a good follow up to the John Adams entry. Mr. Adams would whole-heartedly agree!

Once Blessed, Now Entitled

John Adams

I have just finished, finally, the biography of John Adams by David McCullough for which McCullough won a Pulitzer Prize. I highly recommend this book! After reading a couple of other books on the American Revolution, I became intrigued with John Adams and decided to read more about him. Born in 1735, a native and life-long resident of Braintree/Quincy, Massachusetts, just 5 miles from Boston, Adams was a master of words, was highly educated, a graduate of Harvard and a lawyer, a thinker, and a political philosopher. His ideas are woven throughout the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. He collected books and read prolifically.

On the other hand, he loved farming, being outdoors, and enjoying nature on horse back or by walking from 5-10 miles a day, even 3 miles a day in his late 80’s. He had a great sense of humor but was prone to melancholy at times, although not surprisingly given the struggles in his life. He was highly opinionated and prided himself in his opinions, often quite stubbornly. And he dearly loved his wife, well documented by the thousands of letters that passed between them during their courtship and marriage.

In addition, he loved the Lord. He delighted in reading the Bible and worshiping on Sundays. He was mocked for his faith at times as President, especially when he called for a day of prayer and fasting with regard to the brewing unrest and uncertainty between France and the U.S. Adams was lauded all of his day for his consistent integrity and devotion to public and private virtue as pillars of democracy. He not only extoled the belief that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, he lived it out. He abhorred slavery and longed to see its end. He was one of the few original founding fathers who did not own slaves. He hired men out to work his farms instead. He was also financially wise and careful. Though he never considered himself a rich man, he was worth over $100,000 at the time of his death in 1826, at the age of 91.

His many accomplishments include service as a delegate to the First and Second Continental Congress, nominated George Washington as Commander of the Continental Army, served on the Revolutionary War Board among many other boards, served as a diplomat to France and Holland during the war as well as minister (ambassador) to the Court of St. James, wrote the Massachusetts constitution (“the oldest functioning written constitution in the world” p. 225), the first Vice President of the United States for two terms under George Washington and the second President of the United States. As president, amidst great controversy and opposition from his own party and others, he managed to keep the country out of war with France. He is also advocated for decades the need to create a defense of “wooden walls,” a navy, and under his administration, the Department of the Navy was established.

However, he is most remembered for the part he played in our country’s independence. Thomas Jefferson should most definitely be remembered for his gifted contribution to Declaration of Independence, but don’t forget John Adams. Jefferson came into the circle of revolution and independence only months before that July of 1776; Adams had been speaking and writing about it passionately for years. He was fervently devoted to the Revolutionary Cause, independence, self-government and the republic and remained so until his death. It has been said that although Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, Adams was the voice for independence in his lengthy speeches and in his writings long before and up to the drafting of the Declaration. He was part of the “Committee of Five” chosen to draft the document. After discussing what would be put in the document, Jefferson was chosen to actually write it, undoubtedly for his undeniable talents with the quill. However, you’ll notice in the painting by John Trumball that depicted the signing of the Declaration, Adams is in the center, and I think, rightly so.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“There is nothing I dread so much as a division of the Republic into two great parties, each arranged under its leader and converting measures in opposition to each other...”The “turbulent maneuvers” of factions, he now wrote privately, could “tie the hands and destroy the influence” of every honest man with a desire to serve the public good. There was “division of sentiments over everything,” he told his son-in-law William Smith. “How few aim at the good of the whole, without aiming too much at the prosperity of the parts.” P 422.

So much had happened in John Adam’s life - he had done so much, taken such risks, given so much of himself heart and soul in the cause of his country - that he seems not to have viewed the presidency as an ultimate career objective or crowning life achievement. He was not one given to seeing life as a climb to the top of a ladder or mountain, but more as a journey or adventure, even a “kind of romance which a little embellished with fiction or exaggeration or only poetical ornament, would equal anything in the days of chivalry or knight errantry...” Pg. 476

About the French Revolution, Adams said, “Mankind will in time discover that unbridled majorities are as tyrannical and cruel as unlimited despots,” and he lamented that so much more blood would have to flow before the lesson was learned. P. 443-444

“There must be, however,” Adams responded, “more employment for the press in favor of the government than there has been, or the sour, angry, peevish, fretful, lying paragraphs which assail it on every side will make an impression on many weak and ignorant people.” P. 441

“Laws for the liberal education of youth, especially for the lower classes of people, are so extremely wise and useful that to a humane and generous mind, no expense for this purpose would be thought extravagant.” Pg. 103

In correspondence to James Otis Warren on independence, Adams wrote, “All great changes are irksome to the human mind, especially those which are attended with great dangers and uncertain effects. No man living can foresee the consequences of such a measure...We may please ourselves with the prospect of free and popular governments. But there is great danger that those governments will not make us happy. God grant that they may. But I fear that in every assembly, members will obtain an influence by noise not sense. By meanness, not greatness. By ignorance, not learning. By contracted hearts, not large souls... There is one thing, my dear sir, that must be attempted and most sacredly observed or we are all undone. There must be decency and respect, and veneration introduced for persons of authority of every rank, or we are undone. In a popular government, this is our only way. P. 104

In a letter to his granddaughter in his last days he wrote, “The longer I live, the more I read, the more patiently I think, and the more anxiously I inquire, the less I seem to know...Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly. (Micah 6:8) This is enough... “

A Cup of Hot Tea

I just finished listening on CD to “Blue Shoes and Happiness” by Alexander McCall Smith. It is the 7th book in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency about the “traditionally built” Mme Precious Ramotse who, after the death of her dear father, has opened the only detective agency in Botswana, southern Africa. Though the books have a slow pace, they are so pleasant to read because they represent, through her life, family and friends, the culture of Botswana and the issues that the people of Africa deal with like drought, famine, poverty, AIDS, witch-craft, etc, but not in a heavy way, just as a context or background in African life. Mme Ramotse loves her country and always speaks praises for the country’s first president, Seretse Khama. Even though she has her ‘busy’ times (definitely not comparable to anything we would call busy here), there is always time for cake with friends, conversations filled with bits of old Botswana wisdom, people-watching (she is a detective after all), talking about cattle and pumpkin-eating. I don’t agree with all that is written about men. Men are rather degraded in the books - at least the bad men are, but in her view and the view of most of the women in the books, most men are bad (lazy, adulterous and/or abusive). However you may really be lucky and find a good man as did Mme Ramotse and Mme Makutsi, Mme Ramotse’s assistant,. The books give high praise for ‘good’ men. Anyway, sometimes these things make me laugh or just roll my eyes, but so much of these books are rich in other things.

In the last book, and more and more as I read each book, I am struck by, as I mentioned above, the simple, slow pace of life and the priority given to friends and family. At the beginning of the book she was sitting on her veranda on Zebra Drive “thoughtfully” drinking a cup of tea. In a conversation with the director of an orphanage they say one to another over large pieces of cake, “We are not born to work, work, work all the time. It is important to just be able to sit and think... It is quite unnatural to work like that. There should be time for work and play. And some time for sitting and watching the sun go up and down and some for listening to cattle bells in the bush.” Doesn’t that sound refreshing? I am definitely not opposed to putting in a good day of hard work whether it be at home or the office, as a volunteer or in a ministry, pouring our life out for Christ, but doesn’t listening to cattle bells sound appealing in some way? I realized that I fill my day from sun up to sun down with something to do almost every minute. When I eat breakfast, I’m reviewing scripture memory or listening to a sermon or reading the Bible. When I eat lunch I am looking at recipes for dinner or making a grocery list or reading the news. In the afternoons, I sometimes sit down for a cup of hot tea but again, I am still doing something. My mind and body never really rest until my head hits the pillow - oh, but there I also read. For weeks I was having the worst time ever sleeping and decided to try resting for a while in the afternoon along with a couple of other things to maybe help me sleep better. I read for a little while and then just laid there. It really worked to help calm my thoughts down and just rest my body. I recommend it to anyone! Maybe you have kids. I know plenty of families where everyone in the family has a quiet time in the afternoon, even if some of the kids are too old to take a nap. They read or color or listen to tapes or draw, etc. It seems to refresh everyone and everyone’s mood is much better. I cannot tell you the last time I “sat on my veranda” and drank my tea “thoughtfully,” not doing something and if I have, I feel guilty. I felt guilty to for laying down for a rest in the afternoons lately but not anymore. I have seen the benefits of it to my mind, emotions and body. Back to the cup of tea... I am challenging myself and I challenge you to try sitting down for just 10 minutes a day with your favorite beverage and drink it “thoughtfully” not doing anything else. NOTHING ELSE! Don’t listen to the radio. Don’t watch tv. Don’t read. Don’t work a puzzle. Don’t surf the net. Go outside and listen to the wind and birds or the cattle bells if you happen to live in a place where that is possible. I think you will be amazed how clear your thoughts will become and how refreshed you will feel. Or, why not have a cup of tea and cake with a friend, just because... just because.

If you’re interested in the Botswana, check out these sites:

http://www.botswanatourism.co.bw/index.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Botswana

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

For a while, I didn’t like hymns to much. They seemed dull and stuffy. Now I adore them. The words are so beautiful and deep. I really like to play them on my trumpet every now and then. Here are a few commemorating our risen Savior and the salvation He has given to us. 

Hallelujah! What a Savior! (Philip Bliss, 1875)

Man of Sorrows! What a name for the Son of God who came

ruined sinners to reclaim. Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude, in my place condemned he stood;

sealed my pardon with his blood. Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Guilty, vile and helpless we; spotless Lamb of God was he;

full atonement can it be? Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Lifted up was he to die; “It is finished!” was his cry;

now in heaven exalted high. Hallelujah! What a Savior!

When he comes, our glorious King, all his ransomed home to bring, then anew this song we’ll sing. Hallelujah! What a Savior!

____________________________________________________________

When I survey the wondrous cross  (Isaac Watts 1674-1748)

When I survey the wondrous cross On which the Prince of Glory died, My richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast, Save in the death of Christ my God; All the vain things that charm me most, I sacrifice them to his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet, Sorrow and love flow mingled down; Did e’er such love and sorrow meet, Or thorns compose so rich a crown. 

Were the whole realm of nature mine, That were an offering fare too small; Love so amazing, so divine, Demands my soul, my life, my all. 

____________________________________________________________

 (We listened to these last two so much in Lebanon! I cannot hear these without crying.)

The Power of the Cross  (Stuart Townend)

Oh, to see the dawn of darkest day, Christ on the road to Calvary

Tried by sinful man, torn and beaten there, nailed to a cross of wood. This the power of the cross, Christ became sin for us, took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross. 

Oh, to see the pain written on your face bearing the awesome weight of sin. Every bitter thought, every evil deed, crowing your blood stained brow. This, the power of the cross, Christ became sin for us, took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross.

Now the daylight flees, now the ground beneath quakes as its maker bows his head. Curtain torn in two, dead are raised to life, “Finished, ”the victory cry! This the power of the cross, Christ became sin for us, took the blame, bore the wrath, we stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see my name written in the wounds, for through your suffering I am free. Death is death crushed to death. life is mine to live, what through your selfless love. This the power of the cross, Son of God, slain for us, What a love! What a cross! We stand forgiven at the cross. 

Beneath the Cross  (Keith and Kristyn Getty)

Beneath the cross of Jesus I find a place to stand 

And wonder at such mercy that calls me as I am. 

For hands should that should discard me, 

hold me wounds which tell me come. 

Beneath the cross of Jesus my unworthy soul is won.

Beneath the cross of Jesus, His family is my own. 

Once strangers chasing selfish dreams now one through grace alone. How could I now dishonor the ones that you have loved. 

Beneath the cross of Jesus see the children called by God. 

Beneath the cross of Jesus the path before the crown, 

we follow in his footsteps where promised Hope is found.

 How great the joy before us, to be his perfect bride. 

Beneath the cross of Jesus we will gladly live our lives.

A Resurrection Article

Pardon the cheesy Easter basket clip art. In contrast to the article posted yesterday, here is a devotional article from Ravi Zacharias’ ministry about history and the resurrection. I thought I would share it with you since Easter is coming quickly upon us. Blessings!

http://www.rzim.org/USA/USFV/tabid/436/ArticleID/10249/CBModuleId/1133/Default.aspx

An Eye-Opening Article

We don’t watch television very much, I never watch soaps and we don’t have cable (we keep up with news on the net)so we are not always up on current affairs in the entertainment world. I was a little taken aback by what this article revealed about homosexual lobbying but really, I guess I am not surprised. Click on the link below to learn more. What can we do about it? Any suggestions? 

http://www.worldmag.com/articles/15190

Why? Sovereignty. Lessons from Job & Psalm 73

The results of the fall of man and creation are indiscriminate. Sin has laid its waste in many ways on this earth through disease, famine, war, injustice, natural disasters, etc. As John Piper says, these things are a sign post of the reality of sin in the world and the world’s need for redemption. I’ve come to learn that at some point before bearing the final signpost - physical death - all of us will carry signposts pointing to the reality of sin in our world. Sometimes things happen to us as a result of our own personal sin. For these there is an explanation and we are ultimately held accountable. But what about those times when a signpost has been given to carry where there is, after careful soul searching and prayer, no conviction or evidence of specific personal sin related to the signpost and no other explanation? I’m not saying there are people who don’t sin - that was Jesus’ ability alone- I’m talking about specific sin that creates specific consequences.

Bad things happen to all manner of people, “good” and bad. The author of Psalm 73 lamented this fact which caused him great struggle and frustration. He wrote, “But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling; My steps had almost slipped” (Ps. 73:2) because of all the ways the wicked seemed to prosper. He began his conclusion with, “When my heart was embittered, and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before Thee.” Have you ever felt like a beast when faced with the things that seem unfair in life? Embittered? Pierced within? Senseless? I’m raising my hand! A good reading of the book of Job will reveal that he felt the same way. But God taught him a valuable lesson that goes something like this: “I am God. You are not. I think I know what I am doing. I am the Sovereign over all the earth. I am trustworthy. Trust Me.”

Job of all people had a right, as we Westerners would think, to protest. He was an upright man. “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job, and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God, and turning away from evil.” (Job 1:1) He was a wealthy prosperous, successful man who loved the Lord. Yet disaster struck. Job mourned and wept for his loss. He related with the Psalmist. He sought solace from his friends but they offered him little in the way of comfort or encouragement, mostly accusing him, showing their own lack of understanding of God’s ways and nature and purposes. He petitioned God for an explanation for his suffering. After all, he was an upright man.

“The major reality of the book is the inscrutable mystery of innocent suffering. God ordains that His children walk in suffering and sorrow, sometimes because of sin (Num 12:10-12), sometimes for chastening (Heb 12:5-12), sometimes for strengthening (2 Cor. 1:3-7; 1 Pet 5:10, James 1:2-4) and sometimes to give opportunity to reveal His comfort and grace (2 Cor 1:3-7). But there are times when the compelling issue in the suffering of the saints is unknowable because it is for heavenly purposes that those on earth can’t discern.” * “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Is. 55:8-9) Also, see Ex 4:11, Jn 9:1-3.

God is the one who “rules over a sin-confused world with power and authority directed by perfect wisdom and mercy.” * Job recognized that often good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. But the things that happen to people “are more than just exceptions to the rule, thus forcing Job (and us) to rethink his simple understanding about God’s sovereign interaction with His people. The type of wisdom Job comes to embrace was not dependent merely on the promise of reward or punishment. The long, peevish disputes between Job and his accusers were attempts to reconcile the perceived inequities of God’s retribution in Job’s experience. Such an empirical method is dangerous. In the end, God offered no explanation to Job, but rather called all parties to a deeper level of trust in the Creator...” * Job doesn’t know why he’s suffered but “[he] simply commits his ordeal with a devout heart of worship and humility to a sovereign and perfectly wise Creator - and that was what God wanted him to learn...” *

“Some truths in Job’s experience:

1. There are matters going on in heaven with God that believers know nothing about; yet they affect our lives.

2. Even the best effort for explaining the issues of life can be useless.

3. God’s people do suffer. Bad things happen all the time to good people, so no one can judge a person’s spirituality by his painful circumstances or her great successes.

4. Even though God seems far away, perseverance in faith is a most noble virtue since God is good and one can safely leave his life in His hands.

5. The believer in the midst of suffering should not abandon God, just draw near to Him, so out of the fellowship can come the comfort - without the explanation.

6. Suffering may be intense, but it will ultimately end for the righteous and God will bless abundantly.

“When Job was finally confronted by the Lord of the universe, he put his hand over his mouth and said nothing. Job’s silent response in no way trivialized the intense pain and loss he had endured. It merely underscored the importance of trusting God’s purposes in the midst of suffering. It, like all other human experiences, is directed by perfect divine wisdom. In the end, the lesson learned was not that one may never know the specific reason for his suffering but, one must trust in Sovereign God whether we know or not.”

The author of Psalm 73, after much wrestling, concludes, “Whom have I in heaven but Thee? And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord my God my refuge, that I may tell of all Thy works. (Ps. 73:25-26, 28) Job, after shaking his fists and God’s marvelous explanation of who He is, says, “I know that Thou canst do all things, and that no purpose of Thine can be thwarted. Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge? Therefore I declare that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Hear now, and I will speak; I will ask Thee, and do Thou instruct me. I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees Thee” (Job 42:2-5)

Unless You're Here

This is a song by Jamie Smith that I have really enjoyed over the last 6 months or so. Thought I would share the words with you. Enjoy!

Chaos surrounds me, unless You’re here

My heart has nothing, unless You’re here.

The blind lead the blind, unless You’re here.

My dreams are left behind, unless You’re here.

[Refrain] But there’s hope not just for tomorrow but for today, while Your mercy takes the sorrow as you show us with your grace that You’re here.

Our debt remains unpaid, unless You’re here

Our joy quickly fades, unless You’re here.

Songs have no meaning, unless You’re here.

No reason for singing, unless You’re here.

[Refrain]

Hearts will not be changed, unless You’re here.

Hope pursued in vain, unless You’re here.

My best will never do, unless You’re here.

Cause it would not include You, unless You’re here.

[Refrain]

What If? A Lesson from Esther

Again, this blog entry is on account of something I learned through the Beth Moore study of Esther. These are things I’ve been learning slowly over the last several years but it was put together well by her. It has to do with our greatest fears and the “what ifs” of life and what would happen if they came true. She says, “It is not enough to trust God that what we fear the most will never happen.” We must trust Him even if they do happen. Esther was confronted with a very big problem - all the Jews, her included, were sentenced to death! Mordecai convinced her that she had been put in her place of royalty to do something about the plight of her people, knowing that it could cost her her life anyway. The Bible records that she and all the Jews of Susa prayed and fasted for 3 days and nights with no food or drink. I am sure part of their prayer included asking for some kind of miracle that the edict would be reversed or something else amazing would happen. However, nothing happened in those three days and she was forced to gather up all her courage to face the terror of knowing she could shortly be put to death. But she was resolved. “If I perish, I perish.”

I think it is interesting that God chose not to bring about an obvious, immediate miracle to release the Jews from this edict. So often I have prayed for something not to happen or to stop happening or to happen and God does not always answer the way I want. But does that preclude that God did not hear or does not care? No. Perhaps, as Beth says, the miracle is right in front of us but it is not what we expected or wanted and that “sometimes God’s hand is so close that it covers our eyes.” Mordecai made it clear that God would find a way to save His people but He chose to do it through Esther. It required much courage on her part and great trust in God’s purpose and sovereignty to face the king. I am sure she wondered, “What if....?”

I’ve had many “what ifs” float through my head over the years, most probably ridiculous and completely unwarranted. Unfortunately, I am a bit of worry wort. But God has confronted me with two over the last few years and particularly in the last year that have helped to resolve all of the what ifs. One of them came to a head in a short 5 minute span of time in the streets of Beirut one evening in early May as we scrambled to reach a place of refuge when chaos had quickly and unexpectedly broken out around us. We were extremely frightened but in one particular second my senses picked up on something that warned me of the very real risk of our situation. A huge “what if” dominated my thoughts immediately. I wish I could say that at that moment or at any time through that night and into the next morning I was filled with great peace as I would have hoped and even prayed. Not so, but it did come a week or so later. In fact, it is a peace unexplainable. I realized through that experience that God gives and takes away. He is the great giver of all things, the Sustainer, the Sovereign over all the earth. He understood the confusing politics that caused the chaos of that day and the days that preceded and followed. He understands all of history and controls it. He reminded me that not only does He rule the universe but He holds little me tightly in His grip and I am part of His great plan. He knows every breath I take. Nothing that happens, big or small, is an accident. It wasn’t an accident that we experienced that incident. And it wasn’t an accident that He brought us to a place of safety while others were not. I struggled with that a lot. But God knows. And He is good. I have to trust that. Period. And if we hadn’t made it to safety, then what? We were still safe! We were still in the tight grip of His hand, in His perfect will and whatever happened was part of His great plan of redemption for this world. Either way, He would be glorified. I cannot tell you how much this has radically changed my life. It has affected every area of my life. God has poured over me a greater peace and calm than I have ever known. My greatest fear no longer has a grip on me and I feel more than ever that My God is trustworthy. It has propelled me into a relationship and intimacy with Him that I haven’t known in a long, long time, if ever.

I’ve been able to take what I’ve learned from that experience and apply it to the other “what ifs” of life and much of my anxieties and worries have subsided. I still have sorrow from time to time with regard to the big “what if” looming over us about whether we will ever have children. But the fretting and anger and resentment have all but disappeared. Beth’s words were so encouraging. I needed to be reminded of what God has already been teaching me. He used her to bring it into a much more concise and clear focus. She said to fill in these blanks, “If ______, then ______? Then what? What happens when we pray and seemingly, there is no miracle? Then what? And then after that, then what? Then what? THEN WHAT? She challenged us to take it as far as we could. The only end we could come to is that then... God is good and He is faithful. Yes, there may be tears and devastation and all manor of emotions but then... He knows all things. Then... He loves me and knows the plans He has for me. Then...God will take care of me. Then... He holds me tightly in His hands. Then... He is my Hope and Joy and Satisfaction and Peace. He alone is my Rock and Strength and Salvation. Then...God is going to demonstrate His sufficiency in me. Then... He is enough. Then... He is my Treasure. Then...He is going to accomplish something monumental in me and perhaps even through me.

We must trust Him. Period. By trusting God in this way, we are released from the fear’s grip and the chains of lies Satan uses to frighten us and torment us. There is a miracle. It just might look a little different than we imagined.

“Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is Your Name.”