Princesses

I've had friends who have little girls tell me of the struggle with the princess phenomenon. I would love to have a little girl someday but I don't look forward to contending with this princess movement. It's been nice knowing that Wes is content with dirt and trucks.

Below is an article that was linked to one of my KC friend's blog. I think it really sums up the problems with promoting this princess mentality and gives an alternative attitude for our girls and for ourselves as adult women following Christ. The article quotes largely from another writer. That writer had read a book that I read with my small group several years ago. There were some things I questioned about it then and since then, more and more questions have come up. It is good to know that others felt the same way about the book. I'd love your comments!

http://www.scriptoriumdaily.com/2011/06/02/why-disney-princesses-are-bad/

Taylor's Table - Chicken Stock

I've been watching the movie Julie & Julia this evening while giving my first go at hand quilting. As for the quilting, I need a lot more practice. Since what I am working on is a real quilt I plan to use on my bed and not just for practice, I took out what I had tried. It just wasn't very pretty. Now, if only I could sew a straight line on my sewing machine! Even with lines drawn! All I have to do is connect the dots, so to speak, and still, I can't manage a straight line! It does look better than the hand quilting attempt though.

Anyway, while watching the movie and after this attempt at hand quilting I was inspired to finally write an entry on making homemade chicken stock. I've been meaning to do this ever since I started "Taylor's Table." Here are some things you might be wondering... Why make homemade chicken stock? Isn't it a lot of work? Is it really worth all the trouble? I once wondered these very same things. After learning the benefits of this scrumptious staple and having worked out an easy way to make it, I rarely, if ever, buy chicken stock from a store. I'm a homemade chicken stock snob. :)

Why make chicken stock at home? Have you ever read the ingredients on store bought broth or bouillon cubes? Here are the first few ingredients in beef cubes - salt, hydrolized vegetable protein, corn syrup, sugar, beef fat, monosodium glutamate. Need I write more? On the other hand, homemade stock is VERY good for you. It has natural ingredients which feed, repair, and calm the small intestines, it heals the nerves, improves digestion, reduces allergies, relaxes and gives strength. For more information on this read Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. Furthermore, making stock at home saves money and is the backbone for many recipes. Not to mention, if you cook the whole chicken in the broth, you have all that cooked chicken you can use in other dishes like chicken pot pie, chicken casseroles, chicken tacos or burritos, pizza, etc. (Stock is made only with the bones of a chicken which makes the broth more clear, whereas, broth is made with the meat as well and is not as refined and more cloudy. Stock is what professionals use to make sauces and other things that Julia Child would make that I haven't venture to try yet. Sometimes I make stock; usually I make broth.)

Isn't it a lot of work? Surprisingly, as you will see below, chicken stock/broth can be very easy to make and store!

Is it really worth all the trouble? Besides all the benefits that I wrote in the response to the first question, homemade broth tastes really good!!! Also, because it makes so much, you almost always have some available. By the time you run out, you need more cooked chicken meat anyway.

So how do you make it?

1. Purchase a good chicken. I either buy a rotisserie chicken, an organic chicken if the budget allows, a grass fed organic chicken if I really have a big budget (these are much better for you! but I've only bought one) or just an ordinary chicken from the local mega-chain store for .98 a pound. Honestly, there is not really difference in outcome where taste is concerned.

2. Clean the chicken. If you want to make a stock, roast the chicken first (I'll post a recipe for this later) and eat it, or take the cooked meat off the bones and use it in a variety of ways.

3. Put the whole chicken, or the bones of the chicken in a stock pot. Fill the pot with cold water. Then, chop up a few carrots and celery, add an onion cut in big chunks and add a bay leaf or two. To save time with this, when you use the vegetables for other dishes on other days, take what is left over after chopping (the onion skins, the ends and peelings of the carrots, etc.), toss them in a ziplock bag and store them in the freezer until you make stock. Then, pull it out and simply dump it into the water with the chicken.

4. Bring the water to a boil. When it starts to boil, use a large spoon to scoop out the foam. Then, reduce heat and simmer for at least 2 hours. Keep in mind that the longer you cook it, the more flavorful and nutritious it becomes. I have cooked it as long as perhaps 12 hours and as little as an hour.

5. Strain out the chicken, vegetables and bay leaves. If needed, you can use the broth right away; however, it might be kind of greasy.

6. To take out the greasiness, put the whole pot in the refrigerator for a day or two (I've left it in the fridge for as long as two weeks and it somehow still smelled and tasted wonderful!). The fat will coagulate on top. Simply skim it off the top.

You will probably have way more broth than you will be prepared to use right away. I have made as much as 20 cups of broth at one time. So, after a few failed attempts and broken jars, I've found an easy way to store the broth for later retrieval. Here's what you do... Pour your broth into ice cube trays. Pop them in the freezer until the broth is frozen, then store the cubes in a ziplock bag especially for freezers. 8 cubes make a cup, give or take a bit. This way, if you need two cups or eight, you can easily get what you need without having to thaw out way more than you need.

And that's it! Enjoy!

Addendum to a Previous Entry

Earlier I wrote a blog entry entitled "I'm Just Wondering" kind of as a vent of my frustration over the lack of availability of quality, simple toys. I just want to write to say that I have found some great toy stores that do sell quality toys.

Some of them are local to this area, just little shops in the villages tucked in and around the big trees and big houses of this great city. Another great store is called The Learning Tree that I also found tucked here and there around our area. I think it is more of a nationwide chain but it is still not one of those mega toy stores. It was quite a pleasure to look around in there. So, I don't feel quite so frustrated with the toy selection out there. Check out the Learning Tree and/or look up local toy shops in your area for a better selection than you will find at Target, Walmart and Babies R Us/Toy R Us.

Taylor's Table - Awesome Granola

I have tried different granola recipes that have been okay but not really keepers. However, I have now found a keeper! It is super easy, too. It is from Family Feast for $75 a Week that I checked out from the library in an effort to keep grocery prices down. The book has lots of great tips and many good recipes.

We like to eat this granola with yogurt, on our cereal (Cheerios and Shredded Wheat), or in our oatmeal.

Easy Granola (This is the book's recipe, halfed).

6 cups oatmeal

1/4 cup flour

1/2 TBS cinnamon - 2 tsp.

1/4 tsp nutmeg

2 cups of goodies (in the last batch I had a mix of 1 cup of sliced almonds, chopped pecans and sunflower seeds & a mix of 1 cup of dried currants, cranberries and chopped apricots).

1/2 cup of honey

1/2 cup of oil (I used light tasting olive oil)

1. P reheat oven to 325F. Grease 2-3 large baking sheets with cooking spray.

2. Combine oats, flour cinnamon, nutmeg & goodies

3. Combine oil and honey in 2 cup glass measuring cup. Microwave on high 2 minutes or until hot. Pour over dry ingredients & mix well.

4. Spread mixture over baking sheets; bake until light to medium brown, 15-20 minutes each - bake each pan individually for best results.

5. Let granola cool completely. Break up. Store in air tight container for up to 4 weeks.

ENJOY!

Streams in the Desert

Recently, to our great joy and delight and surprise, we were able to finally bring Wesley's adoption to a close. Naturally, whenever an adoption is finalized, the adopting parents and all other relatives are ecstatic but in this case words cannot express our relief and greatest joy because it was a contested adoption. The finalization brought to a close a six month journey of frustration, confusion, and fear about what would really happen in the end. It seemed like we were walking through a very dry desert. We could not bear to think of having to give Wesley up but at the same time we also had to think about it. Needless to say, God taught us a lot through the process. Here are some things in brief that put in our hearts as we sought His heart in the matter. These were streams in the desert for us.

1. Continually we felt the Lord asking, "Do you trust Me?" See, we had really felt that the Lord had led us to adopt after years of struggling through infertility and just because it was something that had been on our hearts for years, and for me, even while in high school and perhaps earlier. We prayed for God's timing to adopt, which agency to use, that God would guide the right birth parents to us, that the child given as a gift would be the one God chose for us. It seemed that through all the circumstances and decisions, we felt we had followed God. "Why then this unexpected struggle, Lord?" Repeatedly the Lord replied, "Do you trust Me? Or He would simply just say, "Trust Me."

2. We have learned through all of the roads of infertility and adoption and even with other situations and circumstances that we are not in control. Try as we might to have things work out the way we want, God has another plan, better than ours. It is good and we just have to let go and trust Him. (See #1) God does what He does beyond our comprehension, all for His greatest glory. We see now how much He was glorified in this in our lives and in the lives of others involved. We pray that continues.

3. Do what you feel the Lord is leading you to do even if it is the hard thing, isn't the normal course of action and doesn't make sense and the outcome isn't what you'd hoped and prayed for or even expected given that you thought that you were doing what the Lord wanted you to do and therefore the outcome must be in your favor. We did feel the Lord guiding us to do something very hard, that wasn't normal and didn't really make sense. In doing so we thought the outcome would have brought a positive answer for us given that the Lord had led us to do it. However, that was not the case, initially anyway. The adoption continued to be contested and we were crushed. We didn't understand why the Lord had led us to do this specific thing with all the anxiety it involved if it only brought about the same result. Again, the Lord said, "Trust Me." In the end, we clearly see how God very much used the route He lead us down to make a difference even if the result was quite delayed.

4. Related to that and all other points, God will display His power, love and glory by doing what only He can do. He certainly did this in this case.

5. Fight for what God has entrusted to you but hold it with an open hand. We came to realize how very much Wesley was/is a gift from the Lord. We knew this already but the reality of it became much more stark when we realized the gift could be taken away. And yet it was still a gift. We were given the responsibility to be good stewards of this precious gift and that too became much more real knowing that we might only have him in our arms a short time longer. We still had to be his loving parents for the time given to us to do so, to shower him with love and as stewards of what was entrusted to us, to fight for what we thought was good and right for Wes. And yet we had to realize that all things given to us are not ours really and are indeed never given with the promise of permanence except for salvation. As He has taught me about other things, even my own breath and life, we have to hold everything with an open hand, trusting that the Lord holds all things in His hands much more firmly than what we are allowed to hold and that He holds them forever. We can trust Him even when it doesn't make sense and it seems heart-wrenching to think we might have to let go.

6. As in other roads we've been down, He continues to teach us that God is enough. Nothing satisfies, nothing brings greater joy than the gift of His grace. He is enough for our sorrow and our hope, for our weeping and rejoicing. He gives us everything we need, and much more, and loves us perfectly although we in our imperfection, do not usually understand.

7. Also, we've seen how we have a faulty view of God and ourselves. I cannot really put this into words right now, it is something still formulating and digesting and will probably will be for all the days of our life as we continue to grow and learn more about God and ourselves in this fallen world.

8. Lastly, we've learned not to hesitate to bring those we love and who love us along on the journey as support and encouragement. The prayers and support of His people have lifted us up many times out of our sorrow and fear. We need each other desperately.

It is strange how, on the day we went to court in February, before we knew there would be a good outcome, that we both felt a peace. We were anxious, but there was a deep peace in knowing that God really was in control and that we really could trust Him. That only came by His grace and much, much, much wrestling and weeping and questioning.

If you're struggling through something, keep seeking. God will reveal Himself to you, perhaps in unexpected ways, but in fulfilling, satisfying ways that brings great unexplained peace beyond what you could imagine. He is faithful to Himself and to His people. You may not see the purpose of your weariness or even a good outcome but He will reveal Himself to you to be a good and loving Father, trustworthy and faithful, firmly holding you forever.

Two good books we've read are A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and Streams in the Desert. C.S Lewis makes no bones about how he feels about his suffering and it is soul-healing to read how a godly, devoted man seriously wrestled with God in his grief. Streams in the Desert is a daily devotional that walks the reader through dealing with suffering, full of writings and hymns and poems from thoughtful, godly people of long ago.

Also, our church just did an 8-week sermon series on suffering leading up to Easter. It was very good! You can listen to it here - Suffering Series

Einstein Quote

Here is a great quote I heard on a PBS special on very elderly people. One man quoted this as part of his success in staying alive so long (most of these people were in their 90's and older1!) - keeping the mind and imagination strong. This encourages me because I love to create and imagine. I hope I never stop and can still keep doing so when I'm 90!

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

Go do something imaginative! :)

Books for Little Ones

Up, Down, and Around by Katherine Ayres (gardening)
The Fathers are Coming Home by Margaret Wise Brown
1,2,3, To the Zoo by Eric Carle
Head to Toe by Eric Carle
Sleepy ABC by Margaret Wise Brown
Little Cloud by Eric Carle
I Love My Daddy by Sebastien Braun (precious, precious, precious!!)
I Love My Mommy by Sebastien Braun (also precious!)
Whose Mouse Are You? by Robert Kraus
Counting in the Garden by Kim Parker
Planting a Rainbow by Lois Ehlert

Denise Fleming
Nancy Tafuri
Byron Barton
Sandra Boynton
Lucy Cousins

In the Tall, Tall Grass, Denise Fleming

In the Small, Small Pond, Denise Fleming

What About Bear?, Suzanne Bloom

Count!, Denise Fleming

Blue Goose, Nancy Tafuri

Goodnight, My Duckling, Nancy Tafuri

Maisy books, Lucy Cousins

Amazing Animals Series, Tony Mitton and Ant Parker

Does a Kangaroo Have a Mother, Too?, Eric Carle

The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Bill Martin, Jr. and Eric Carle

Polar Bear, Polar Bear, Bill Martin, Jr. and Eric Carle

Panda Bear, Panda Bear, Bill Martin, Jr. and Eric Carle

Baby Bear, Baby Bear, Bill Martin, Jr. and Eric Carle

Counting Cockatoos, Stella Blackstone

Bear At Home, Stella Blackstone

The Cow Who Clucked, Denise Fleming

Barnyard Banter, Denise Fleming

All Things Bright and Beautiful, Ashley Bryan

What a Wonderful World, George David Weiss and Bob Thiele (Illustrations by Ashley Bryan)

Sleepy, Oh So Sleepy, Denise Fleming

Bear Wants More, Karma Wilson

Tip Tip, Dig Dig, Emma Garcia

Goodnight Gorilla, Peggy Rathmann

The Busy Little Squirrel, Nancy Tafuri

Faraway Farm, Ian Whybrow

Machines At Work, Byron Barton

The Three Bears, Byron Barton

Boats, Byron Barton

Trains, Byron Barton

Planes, Byron Barton

Trucks, Byron Barton

My Car, Byron Barton

Where’s My Duckling?, Nancy Tafuri

Little White Duck, Lyrics by Walt Whippo (Illustrations by Joan Paley)

If You Give a Moose a Muffin, Laura Joffe Numeroff

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Laura Joffe Numeroff

If You Give a Pig a Pancake, Laura Joffe Numeroff

If You Take a Mouse to the Movies, Laura Joffe Numeroff

Who’s Awake in Springtime?, Phillis Gershator and Mim Green

Spring Things, Bob Raczka

This is the Farmer, Nancy Tafuri

Sleepy ABC, Margaret Wise Brown

Goodnight Moon, Margaret Wise Brown

The Runaway Bunny, Margaret Wise Brown

Big Red Barn, Margaret Wise Brown

Mama Cat Has Three Kittens, Denise Fleming

And the Train Goes… William Bee

Leo the Late Bloomer, Robert Kraus

Silly Little Goose, Nancy Tafuri

The Big Storm, Nancy Tafuri

Hurray for Fish!, Lucy Cousins

The House that Jack Built, Diana Mayo

We’ve All Got Bellybuttons, David Martin

One Little Seed, Elaine Greenstein

Color, Poem by Christina Rossetti (Illustrations by Mary Teichman)

Sandra Boynton board books (Barnyard Dance, Pajama Time, etc)

Poems and Rhymes

Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

A Child’s Garden of Verse, Robert Louis Stevenson

Counting Kisses by Karen Katz

Where is the Green Sheep? by Mem Fox.

We're Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury.

Jamberry by Bruce Degan.

The Mitten by Jan Bret

Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? by Dr. Seuss

Go Dog, Go by Dr. Seuss

I'm Just Wondering

I suppose this could be a continuation of the things I've learned about being a mom but it is slightly different. These are just ponderings about things regarding children and their toys, clothes, books, etc.

Recently, as Wesley's first birthday approached, I've been looking around at stores and online for toys, books and videos. I confess, I came away from it a bit overwhelmed and frustrated. There are tons of things out there for kids and babies! Almost everything I looked at had tons of bells and whistles - 15 buttons which make 15 different sounds and then when you switch a button they make 15 more different sounds with ABC's and 123's, colors and shapes as well as blinking lights, horns, any number of things to pull, push and flop around. How much is a one year old really going to get out of all of this? Why do our toys have to be designed specifically for learning? Children learn so much just playing with simple things and observing the world around them. Anything we give them, whether it be a wooden spoon, a pan, a paper bag or the bright lights learning toys will help them learn. I guess I am not opposed to having one or two toys that have all the bells and whistles but it seemed that everything available was like that and would just be sensory overload for a little one to hear that all day long. Most of it just seems like a marketing ploy anyway.

The other day Wes was fascinated by our cd player. I let him play with it because it is old and he was so intrigued. After fiddling with it a while, tasting it every few minutes, trying to pick it up and turn it over, he figured out how to open it, pull out the cd, turn it over and put it back in. All I did was watch because I didn't want to wheels in his head to stop turning. There were no noises or blinking lights or recorded voice cheering him on. How much did he learn from this simple thing?!

Do these little ones really need all these toys, whether they are fancy or simple? Once again, I think back to Abigail Adams and her sons and daughter and to even just a generation or two ago. They didn't have all those high tech talking toys and gadgets but they cranked out some pretty smart offspring! I imagine John and Abigail Adams and Thomas Jefferson or even Plato and Aristotle and Shakespeare had very few toys at all, certainly not what we have, and they turned out pretty smart.

Are we doing justice to our kid's intelligence and their central nervous system with all these new fangled toys and books and videos? Of all the things Wes has, he will more often than not go to the simple toys like rattles, stuffed animals, pots, bags, balls, blocks, boxes, books, anything he can make "music" with and his little wagon.

I remember going to my grandparents house for a few days as a child. They didn't have much for us to play with, just some older riding toys and toys for the house and a few games. But we had so much fun there! We used whatever was laying around to build forts, make up games, and run around outside, exploring the woods, barn, cellar, pick and can vegetables and fruit from their garden, roam around in the garden, observing and inspecting, etc. Imagine the stimulation our brains were getting!

The other day I took advice from friends and from blogs I read about the accumulation of toys, to put away all but a few for a while. I did this and I am amazed! Before, Wes would play a bit and toss the toy and go on to the next or simply look at them all and then go stare out the window. It was too much for his little mind to take in. Now he actually plays with his toys. He still loves to stare out the window too though. I am sure he's learning a lot from that as well.

So all of the above lead me to another pondering. Why are we so obsessed with our kids being prodigies and learning their alphabet before they are 2 or even younger? Of course I do want Wes to be smart as any parent would, but I don't know that learning the alphabet when he's 1 or 2 will make him smarter when he's 5, 15 or 50.

Did you know that most kids used to not learn to read until they were 6 or 7 years old, at least? And at that age, they learned to read in a few days or weeks and could read novels very quickly thereafter. Most didn't start their formal education until much later than we do now. And yet, when they reached the age of 16 or 17, they could be fluent in Latin and Greek and were capable of achieving in a bachelor's degree what we might get in a Masters or Doctorate today! The entrance exam to Harvard in the 1700 hundreds was well beyond my capability and I have a Master's in history. I read over an 8th grade exam that was given in the 1890's and I would not have done very well.

I am all for exposing kids to grand things, to beautiful works of art and music, t0 literature, and books galore, of course. (My heart skips a beat when Wes fusses for me to read to him more!) However, in an effort to make kids smarter by exposing them to great things, all sorts of companies have sprung up that promote child smartness, like Baby Einstein. As I am sure you are aware, they play classical music or other styles in a way that is supposed to appeal to babies. However, I've found that Wes really loves the real thing! Imagine that! Why play Baby Einstein Mozart when he delights in the real Mozart? Why don't we expose them to the real thing? To real literature instead of books that contrive to make our kids smarter but are poorly written with bad pictures? Real music in all varieties? (Wes loves real bluegrass!) Real Art? Real Poetry?

I found a baby video series at the library called Classical Baby, produced by HBO, that has a video for music, poetry, art and dance. I checked out the poetry video and it was wonderful. It had famous actors reading famous poetry in full and in snippets to soothing animation and sometimes in song form. It was so soothing and captivating! Wesley loved it, too!

I hope I don't sound too negative in all this, these are just some things I've been thinking about and wondering. Perhaps you have some insight that I'm missing. I'd love to hear your thoughts too!

Below are a couple of links I thought you'd like.

http://frugalgranola.com/2011/02/simple-childhood-play/

http://people.moreheadstate.edu/fs/w.willis/eighthgrade.html

January & February at the Taylors

Just thought I'd give an update of what's been going on here, not in chronological order.

The greatest news is that we were finally able to bring Wesley's adoption to a close. Unexpectedly, but to our greatest joy, we were able to bring Wesley home on Thursday, February 24, 2011 from the courthouse as our forever son with all the full rights and privileges of a son by birth. Praise God for His mighty intervention and mercy! Thank you all so much for your prayers, love, phone calls, visits, letters and emails, hugs, tears and gifts of support and encouragement in this journey. We couldn't have done it without you! God has taught us many wonderful things in this process and so we are thankful for this exercise in trusting the Lord. (More about this in another post!) Precious Wesley Joseph, what a gift you are! We love you forever.

My sister came to visit and we had a great time. Sadly, the weather was kind of yucky - cold, snow, mist and fog but we were able to get out and do a little bit and just veg out. And above all, she got to share in our adoption shock and excitement! We are so glad she was here with us.

We've had a blizzard and piles of snow!!!

We celebrated Wesley's first birthday with family and lots of friends!

Also, we finally finished our bathroom! Hurray! It took 4 months and twice as much money as expected but we love it! Come and visit so you can enjoy it too! I still have to make the shower curtain. It is on my huge project list. But we do have one that works fine for now.

Before:

After:

We've also joined a small group at our church that we've really enjoyed and it is so close to our house even though our church is almost 30 minutes away. No pictures though.

And, this isn't that exciting but it has been good for us - We've been purging our house room by room, one weekend at a time, of what we really don't use or need, unless it has some real sentimental value. You wouldn't believe the pile we've accumulated just by cleaning out the basement, garage and attic. It is amazing to us that just three years ago we could fit all of what we needed or wanted in 4 suitcases and a couple of carry-ons and yet had plenty for a two bedroom apartment in a rural village in Lebanon, where for the better part of our 8 months there we really only lived in the living room, kitchen and bathroom (barely). How could we have so much now? And what is crazier is that we had a garage sale just before we left for Lebanon. And one the year before that as well. What is all this stuff!!!??? Where did it come from? Why did we think we would need what we didn't get rid of it before? I encourage you to do something like this. I think you might be amazed. Several things inspired this. I'll write another blog post about that, too. :) No pictures of this, yet. I will post one of all of our purge pile when we finish in a few weeks.

Lessons Learned As A New Mom - Part 4

This is the last installment of some things I've learned as a new mom. Enjoy! I'd love your comments!

9. Read books, research, talk to your pediatrician and friends about mothering but don’t take it all as gospel truth about how you should mother your little one (unless it is a medical emergency!). This has been a huge stumbling block for me. In trying to figure out various aspects of mommyhood and infancy, I’ve read way too much and asked too many questions on google and to my friends mainly out of fear, exasperation and out of worry about what others will think about me. There are aspects that I like about most of the books but many of them have made me feel that if I do “this” then “this” will happen. Well, as I mentioned earlier, each child is an individual, and while many may go along with generalizations, all babies have their quirks and so do mommies, that books just don’t address. The ones I’ve read don’t thoroughly address sleep and eating issues while teething, growing and during illness or either they say there shouldn’t be a problem or “simply do ‘this’” and all will be well. Well, sometimes all is not well, no matter what you do, for weeks, but the books won't tell you that. So, in all these months of reading, I’ve more or less come away from them feeling like a total failure.

There are some things I agree with in each of the books, of each philosophy of parenting, mainly love on your kids a lot (and this looks different for different moms and babies) and follow some sort of routine for everyone’s sanity. Your routine doesn’t have to be the same as anyone else’s as long as your baby is well cared for in all aspects (enough to eat and enough sleep, clean diapers, they feel secure & loved) and you don’t feel like you are losing your head. If one mom carries her baby around all day, co-sleeps, feeds on demand and you like that, try it. If you hate it, try something else. If you don’t think you could do that, don’t. If another mom runs a tight ship with no variation and you like that, try it. If you don’t think you could do that, don’t. And don’t feel guilty. Not only do you have babies with their own personalities who may or may not want to be carried all day, etc, mommies and daddies and other family members and families as a whole also have their own set of personalities. There are even books about baby personalities and how to care for your child according to personality. I haven’t read these (I had to draw the line somewhere) but in the books I have read that include baby personalities, Wesley didn’t fit any of them. In fact he had aspects of opposite personalities! How many of you as an adult have read about different personalities and you don’t fit well into any of them? I certainly don't. Babies are the same, I think.

All this to say, as a family, do what works best, generally, for all involved to feel most stress-free and loved, and don’t feel guilty because it isn’t exactly as the books say or as your favorite blogger does or as your best friend. I don’t want in any way to sound relativistic in this explanation, that truth in parenting is relative, to do what’s right for you. There are fundamentals that need to be kept sacred like showering with love, setting boundaries, kids knowing what comes next, sound discipline, teaching about Jesus, guiding in maturity, etc, etc, etc, but the ways you go about them can look very different and I think that is okay as long as the outcome is the same. And what if the intended outcome doesn’t happen but you’ve tried with all the love and heart possible? Leave it to the Lord. Ultimately, this is all a lesson in the fact that we are not in control.

And even so, I am not writing this to discourage you from reading books. I think they can be very helpful, just be careful. They don't have all the answers. Lean upon the Lord.

10. With all that said, there will be times when you feel like a failure all the time, when you feel like you have no idea what you are doing, when you want to cry all day and when you just want to sleep instead of wash another bottle or spit up rag. And then you feel guilty about feeling that way! I’ve been told over and over that this is totally normal. I am sure Caroline Ingalls, Abigail Adams and Elizabeth Elliot’s mother all felt this way at times, but they didn’t write about that.

This just helps us to understand that we are wholly inadequate in ourselves, that mothering/parenting is beyond us and is daunting. After all, God has made us His stewards over all He has given us, including our little ones. They are His gift. I want to be a good steward but feel so utterly helpless sometimes. However, He did not give them do us to shepherd and steward alone. He is the one who is our perfect Father who has all the wisdom in the world to help us with our babies and with ourselves. And He delights in us despite our inadequacy and in our sweet, precious babies. He did create them after all! And He made you the mommy of at least one of them. :) Now go and kiss your little one!

Lessons Learned As A New Mom - Part 3

5. Pick 5 or 6 really important things to you right now that you want to do with regularity and stick with those. They may change over time, or as you feel more comfortable, you may add some things, but for now get those done and if you have time for the rest, fine. Right now these things for me are: 1. Spending time with the Lord. 2. Loving my family - spending some time with them everyday. 3. Keeping down clutter - clutter stresses me out. 4. Making dinner at a decent time without rushing. 5. Wesley’s naps, which means keeping some semblance of a schedule. 6. Time outside and /or time with friends either on the phone, visiting or emailing.

6. Squeeze in time to get enough sleep and to do what you enjoy - This helps a ton! Often in the afternoon I need to stop and rest but I don't. I feel so much better when I do though.

7. Routines are important for all involved, and I highly encourage them. You need them and babies need them. To - do lists are wonderful and I highly encourage them also. Keep your routine and to-do list simple. If you find by some strange chance that you have extra time, you don’t necessarily need to fill it up with something else to-do. See #6!

Recently, I cut out a lot of stuff and it has been wonderful and freeing. I had/still have, a huge mound of projects to accomplish (and which continues to grow in my mind!) but I decided to put them on the back burner just to figure out life a little bit, like a season of stillness, and actually do some thinking without feeling like I am always behind and stressed because I still have “this much” left on my project list. So now I move through my daily routine, getting my simple to-do list done and then, as I have time, I work on ONE project. When I finish it, I work on the next. This is VERY hard for me! I tend to have 5 projects going at the same time and 5 more I am thinking up in m y head!

And, sometimes the routine and the to-do lists just need to be tossed for the day - literally, in the trash or crossed off in your head. Tomorrow is a new day. Unless absolutely necessary, don’t try to do tomorrow what you couldn’t do today. Then you will have two days of lists that don’t get done!

8. Relish in motherhood and enjoy your home, embrace simplicity in life - This is a beautiful, if challenging, season in your life, each season with your child. They really do grow up so fast! I have struggled with needing adventure in my life, feeling restless for years unless I’m doing something outrageous and sometimes dangerous. So, even though being at home as a mommy is at the very top of my list of things I’ve always wanted to do in life, it has been challenging to be content. Lately, God has been opening my eyes to the adventure of motherhood, to see the joy of each day rather than the monotony of it sometimes, to praise Him in all the small things. And despite my desire for adventure, I guess I am naturally a bit of a homebody. I know, I am a walking contradiction!

I do like to get out from time to time though. However, I find that getting out usually means something will be bought or planning up something in my head that will stress me out down the road. It usually means that I get distracted from what really matters like getting Wes to eat and down for a nap and being home in time for a peaceful lunch with Eric or getting dinner on the table at a decent time without rushing, or in general not stressing myself by putting too much in my day. To go along with what I said in #7, I find it necessary to cut out what isn’t necessary so that I can really enjoy this season and not see it fly by and/or live in it full of stress and disorder. Take time to listen to the wind blow, to watch the snowfall, to sing to your little one just because, to go for a slow, long walk with your little one just because you want to - not because you have to to get exercise. This is part of the adventure in this life with our Lord and part of your purpose as a Mommy.

Lessons Learned As A New Mom - Part 2

Here is the second part of my four part series on things I've learned as a new mom. I hope you find these encouraging.

3. Don’t compare your babies with other babies, negatively or positively - Love and accept your little one as is with big smiles, hugs and kisses and do the same for other babies too! Your little one is an individual valued by the Lord. He didn’t make the one you hold to be like you or Daddy, or if adopted, like their birthmom and dad. They are their own unique creation, with their own personality. There is no one else like him or her - never has been and never will be. Guide them, pray for them and love them as such.

4. Don’t compare yourself to other moms, negatively or positively - this has been a huge downfall of mine and mostly with moms that I don’t even know. I tend to compare myself with supermom bloggers who have x number of kids more than me and find time to write beautiful, encouraging and inspiring blog entries and books, run a B&B, keep a clean house, make & cook healthy, frugal menus, shop at co-ops, farms and various other places just for food, homeschool, volunteer, lead bible studies, have small groups in their home, declutter, march through each day with a routine they actually keep, bake bread, soak grains, grind their own grain, keep a garden where things actually grow and some even live on farms and do these things all while presenting a life free of stress and full of tranquility, joy and simplicity!!!!!! I don’t mean to sound like I don’t like the ladies who write the blogs I read. I think I’d be good friends with them and I have really learned a lot from them. It is my own fault for trying to compare myself to them or to be them.

Also, I’ve tended to try to be like Caroline Ingalls, Abigail Adams and Elizabeth Elliot’s mother wrapped up all in one in eras of time when life was far more difficult and isolating without modern conveniences and technology. I find myself thinking, “What did so and so do?” or “How did she do this?” Or better yet, “How do any of these ladies do any of these things???” “Why can’t I be like them?” Since then I’ve realized that what we see of these people (bloggers and historical figures) are mostly snapshots of a life or are written from what a child or neighbor or friend remembers or what historians can dig up. We can’t get into their brain to know what they really thought or felt. I would love to write a book about what Abigail Adams’ day really looked like, as well of other ladies who lived centuries ago, if it is possible to really find that information. They wrote letters to people. Abigail wrote thousands of letters, but she probably didn’t write about her laundry and how she couldn’t get Charles to take a nap or how she hated to clean dishes all day long, only to find a new pile a few hours later.

Summary: I am not any of these women. I have to move through my days as God made me, pursuing the life He’s desiring for me to live and be a good steward of that. I’ve had to learn to enjoy them, glean encouragement and wisdom from them and to stop comparing myself and instead value who God made me to be.

Lessons Learned As A New Mom - Part I

In this adventure of motherhood, I have learned several things about myself that I’ve been wanting to write down for future reference for myself and maybe as an encouragement to other new moms. There are 10 points divided into 4 posts that I will publish every few days so as not to overwhelm you with a super lengthy entry. I would love to hear you comments about your experiences and lessons learned from Mommyhood.

1. First of all, I usually don’t feel like a mother at all. I guess I thought there would be a different sort of feeling or aura that would come over me as I became a mother. For a while I felt guilty, especially since Wesley’s adopted, thinking I wasn’t bonding with him properly. Since then, I’ve talked to plenty of moms who have their own biological children, older than Wes, who feel the same way. Do you ever really feel like a mother? What does that mean exactly? Is it just something we make up in our head? Or dream about as little girls? Or see on TV? Hmm...

2. Second, through mothering, God has revealed areas of sin in my life that I was vaguely aware of before becoming a mother but that now are openly evident to me and convicting. I think God can use any and everything in all stages of life, single, married, with or without children to help grow a person toward maturity so I’m not saying you have to have children to be qualified for more growth and maturity. Through different stages of my life and through different experiences, God has peeled away and revealed layers of sin as well as revealed new aspects of His own character. The same is true for now. What I’ve noticed for the most part, is that Mommyhood (and all other ‘hoods’ of life - life in general) seems to require extreme selflessness, patience, humility, disciple, self-control and flexibility.

That said, I am learning what flexibility really means. I thought I was a really flexible person but quickly found out, as a Mamma that I was not. I was flexible if whatever was causing the flexibility coincided with how and when I wanted to do things! Babies don’t work that way, even Wesley, who as babies go, seems fairly easy. This in turn reveals my selfishness, my impatience and my desire to control all things! Booo... I also worry and obsess entirely too much about some things sometimes, while at other times I don’t at all when I probably should. The funny thing is that though I want things around me to be under control, I’ve learned through this past year that I lack a lot of discipline and self-control in my own personal life and can be just plain lazy. Mommyhood has opened my eyes to these things not just with regard to being a mother and taking care of Wesley but in many aspects of my life. I just have to thank God for His grace to be a mother to this little one and pray for the grace to help him grow into all that God wants him to be despite all my shortcomings.

A Natural Remedy

I do not claim to know very much about natural healing in the least. However, after some experimentation and casual research and accidental discovery, I think I've found a way to greatly lesson the length and hurtiness of fever blisters and canker sores.

Fever blisters are just dreadful! They hurt terribly and are so ugly. They feel like a volcano on your lip. I rarely get these but whenever we in stressful situations I watch out for them and usually am terribly disappointed but not surprised when they show up.

Well, not surprisingly, two popped up on my lips a couple of weeks ago. These were a bit different, they were on the inside, so perhaps they were not really fever blisters but canker sores, also brought on by stress. I also got a sore on my tongue and the roof of my mouth. :( On top of emotional strain, I had been doing a lot of baking for a tea I had, involving lots of sugar that I don't normally eat. So had my mother, who sent us a batch of goodies, and my mother-in-law, who brought a batch of goodies for Christmas. So here is what we had in the house - ginger snaps, fudge, a chocolate torte, snickerdoodles, white trash, turtles, graham cracker delights, a graham cracker cereal chocolate bar thing that we loved, a homemade batch of cinnamon rolls, and homemade Chex mix. If you know me well, you know that this is way more sugar than I ingest in a year, really! We started eating it and didn't quite until it was done. In the midst of eating all of this was when the sores popped up and boy did they hurt!

I pulled out a remedy I had tried earlier in the year and it worked again so I wanted to share it with you. I use Burt's Bees lip balm on my lips as often as I can remember, even on the inside, though I don't know how well it goes on. It needs to be the kind with mint. Also, this time around I drank mint tea a lot. It really helped to soothe it. Also, I eat a lot of yogurt when they pop up. And, almost the next day that all our goodies were gone, one of the worst sores was virtually gone, no doubt stopping all the sugar combined with the other remedies helped tremendously.

So, if ever you find yourself with one of those nasty, unwelcome visitors to your lips, get out the yogurt, invest in Burt's Bee's lip balm and pure mint tea, and stop eating sugar, at least for a while.

The picture is from this website - http://whatscookingamerica.net/mint.htm

A Blanket of Snow

The other day as Eric and I were driving to church, the Sunday after disappointing adoption news, a fresh covering of snow lay on the ground. The sun shone brightly and the day was just gorgeous except that it was 10 degrees outside. In the summer this place is so beautiful, one shade of green melts into another as huge trees grow into others and flowers bloom in beautifully landscaped yards and city squares. However, because there are very few evergreens here, winter is rather bare and gray. I've never really liked winter because of its bareness and chill, but as we rode through town, the soft blanket of snow warmed me to the season a little more. It truly did seem to cover up all that was ugly about winter.

I started to think about winter in regards to the seasons. I've always just viewed it as a season of deadness and dreariness compared to the others. Last year, as you all know, was the winter like no other. It snowed here so often and so much. We had snow on the ground continuously for a month, a short break and then for weeks again. The temperatures were bitter! Wind chills in the negative numbers. However, when the temperatures rose, the snow melted and life reawakened, the landscape was more beautiful and more green than ever. Plants grew like crazy! It seems that the snow acted to protect a lot of growing things from the bitter cold and served to water the earth when it melted.

In our lives we all hit seasons of great joy and amazing spiritual growth and sometimes life seems blah or dark and dreary and cold. Then there are some, like fall and winter that are a little of both extremes. As I looked at the snow laying so quietly on the ground, I felt encouraged that God's grace was like that snow, covering over us in these discouraging, dark days, protecting us in unforeseen ways, and that these hard days aren't just random days meant only for dreariness and frustration with no meaning but that they do serve a purpose, to promote the continuance of great growth in the Lord and for Him to exhibit His beauty in our lives, even in the midst of the winter seasons of our life.

We don't live in a world, spiritually speaking, where it is "always winter but never Christmas" like in Narnia before Aslan's victory. Christ did come in our spiritual winter to bring hope and life to our desperately needy souls. Though I don't like having to drive 30 minutes to church, I am grateful for that day's thoughtful drive and the beauty and hope and light that the Lord showed me that comes out of the deep darkness of a long winter and why I should rejoice even on the coldest, hardest days. Without winter, how could there be beautiful Spring?