The last few days have been very reflective. Losing a close friend really makes you rethink a lot of things and ponder deeply the things you believe and build your life upon. I have had times in my life where I've had to think deeply about my faith because it was profoundly shaken. I am thankful for those times because now I stand on a firm foundation of faith and I haven't had to wrestle so much with God. Though I have wrestled some, God has made many of the truths of the gospel and His character more vivid and real and have given me great comfort - like His grace and love to send a Savior so that our sin doesn't make death a finality but rather is a transition to eternal life face to face with our dear Jesus if we have made Him Lord over our life. Like His sovereignty that has control over all things even when it seems like the effects (like disease and suffering and famine, etc) of sin are victorious - His purposes are higher than all things and are for our good and His glory. Sin isn't victorious in the end. Jesus Christ wins! It has made me long for heaven more, to be free of sin and sorrow and the mess of this world but also to see a greater purpose for myself on this earth and to recognize that life is super short. I don't want to waste it. I hold the good news of the gospel much more dear now. And I am comfortingly confronted with the bigness and grandness and glory of God.
There is so much more I can say but I'll end there for now. I bought a couple of cds the day after Kelsey's celebration service. One of them is Hillsong's No Other Name. I've listened to it over and over and over because every song exalts the name of Jesus. Here are two songs that I've had on repeat a lot because of their comforting message of who God is and the work that Christ has done on the cross.
No Other Name
One Name holds weight above them all
His Fame outlasts the earth He formed
His praise resounds beyond the stars
And echoes in our hearts
The Greatest One of all
His Face shines brighter than the sun
His Grace as boundless as His love
He Reigns with healing in His wings
The Kind above all kings.
The Greatest One of all
Lift up your eyes see the King has come
Light of the world
Reaching out for us
There is no other Name
There is no other Name
Jesus Christ our God
Seated on high the undefeated One
Mountains bow down as we lift Him up
There is no other Name
There is no other Name
Jesus Christ our God
Find hope when all the world seems lost
Behold the triumph of the cross
His power has trampled death and grave
Our life found in His name
The Greatest Name of all
The earth will shake and tremble before Him
Chains will break as heaven and earth sing
Holy is the Name
Holy is the Name of Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
This I Believe (The Creed)
Our Father everlasting
The all creating One
God Almighty
Through Your Holy Spirit
Conceiving Christ the Son
Jesus our Savior
Our Judge and our Defender
Suffered and crucified
Forgiveness is in You
Descended into Darkness
You rose in glorious light
Forever seated high.
I believe in God our Father
I believe in Christ the Son
I believe in the Holy Spirit
Our God is three in One
I believe in the resurrection
That we will rise again
For I believe in the Name of Jesus
I believe in You.
I believe You rose again
I believe that Jesus Christ is Lord
I believe in life eternal
I believe in the virgin birth
I believe in the saints' communion
And in Your holy Church
I believe in the resurrection
When Jesus comes again
For I believe in the Name of Jesus.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
A dear friend with Jesus
(If you read this a few days ago, I apologize for the many typos. I had to write it on my iPhone in a tiny space on the screen. I would have taken a very long time to correct everything! I have my computer back online now so hopefully all the typos are corrected. This still isn't my best writing though. It's hard to write when your heart is so full of emotion.)
This is going to be long but hopefully worth it.
A dear, much beloved friend of mine, Kelsey Kennedy, from our Norman, OK days is no longer walking this earth. She's dancing with Jesus. Last April she was diagnosed with a rare form of sarcoma. Her doctors told her it was a nasty cancer but Kelsey was young and strong and healthy and we know god can anything. I felt confident that she would be all right and would walk many more years on this earth. Well, she is more than all right now!! She is completely healed for all eternity. All her pain is gone. She's no longer worrying or fearful or wrestling with sin. The burdens of this world are no more. On Saturday, July 5, at around 4:00pm Kelsey went home to Jesus.
God prompted me the Monday before (June 30) to drive down to see her the next day. There was a great sense of urgency. I'm so glad I heeded His nudges. The last week has been one of the hardest of my life but also one if the most beautiful. It's one of those times in your life that change you forever. At the moment I'm having difficulty laying out all that God is doing but I am so thankful. He is so good.
I was able to see my friend Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. As I entered the room on Tuesday night it was filled with the beautiful faces of women who love the Lord and Kelsey, some of them great, old friends. One of them was reading something she wrote about how God told her Kelsey would be healed. Well, she is healed. I was only in there a few minutes when we had to leave for a little while. We came back later and sang songs and prayed for Kelsey. It was just beautiful. People in other rooms could hear and said they enjoyed our singing. Praise God! Kelsey was very weak but her spunky self. She wanted to know where Catherine was and said she wanted to see her. So on Wednesday night, I brought Catherine. Kelsey was even more weak but still coherent. Catherine was really tired and a wee bit fussy. Kelsey hunted on her phone for a lullaby and played it for her.
That night, God woke me up and prompted me to write the letter to Kelsey I had been wanting to write since before I arrived. The words flowed easily and I'm so thankful again that I listened to Him and wrote the letter instead of waiting till morning. Kelsey had gotten considerably weaker over night. Eric had made it in town the night before. We were going to wait until the afternoon to go visit but again, God prompted us to make haste. When we got to the hospital the family wasn't hanging out in the waiting room anymore, they were in her room. They let us join them for almost 3 precious hours. It was really quiet and Kelsey was mostly asleep at first. I really wanted to read my letter to her but didn't think I would be able to. We sang hymns and worship songs for a while. Then she perked up some and I was able to read my letter to her. She spoke sweet words to Eric and I, like a blessing. Thank you Jesus for that sweet time. We all left to let her rest and get lunch. We thought we'd get to go back to see her but she spiked a fever and only wanted a few in there. I'm so glad we went in the morning or we would have missed that precious time with her hubby and his mom and dad, Kelsey's mom and dad and her sister and hubby and a couple of more friends. Chris, her hubby, read many letters that had been posted on Facebook about the blessing of Kelsey's life in theirs. Again, though there were lots of tears, it was just beautiful. That room was so full of peace and hope and even joy that can only come from the grace of God. Chris asked us to come again the next day. Eric prayed with them, read 2 Cor. 4 and they sang a song while I waited outside with our kids. Then I went in a prayed. She was asleep most of the time but raised up and looked me in the eyes when I kissed her on the cheek.
Through all of this Chris has been a pillar of strength. He shed tears, of course, but his perspective has been rock solid. Only God our rock and refuge can do this. I've often heard that God never gives you more than what you can handle but I think that's a false statement. I think God allows things in our life that we can't handle except by the full measure of grace He gives us for each moment we walk through it. If we could handle it then it wouldn't be a testimony of the work of Christ but of our own strength. Chris has clearly been walking and trusting in and relying on a greater, super natural strength. And really this can be said of all the family and Kelsey and even little Alexa Hope. Here's a poem Chris posted on their blog a few weeks back that speaks of this.
Kelsey was such a blessing to everyone she knew, full of spunk and overflowing with compassion and sacrificially loving people and Jesus and told others about Him and was a witness even in her last days. Many people, patients and nurses at the hospital were touched by her testimony. T- shirts were designed to raise money for her holistic treatments that say C>c - Christ is greater than cancer. And He is. He has won the victory over cancer and death for all eternity. Lots of people wore those t shirts at the hospital so naturally people asked about it. Just another way that Kelsey's life proclaimed the greatness of God.
I know I will have more to write about this as its affects ripple through my life. Below I've attached the letter I wrote and read to Kelsey on Thursday.
My dearest Kelsey,
You are one of those special friends that god has brought to my life that I can really only count just about on one hand. You are one of those friends I call my sister and you're closer to me even than my own sister. And the beauty of it is that we are so different. This is a testimony of how only god can work in people's lives to bring them together in the most unlikely places who might not have ever met or been friends.
I'm thankful for that day we met the first time at Starbucks in Beirut. I was so intimidated by you from all that I heard of you and I so wanted to meet your approval and pass the test to possibly date Eric. And now my story of God's beautiful gracious gift of Eric is intertwined with you and isn't complete without you. And you were a friend to me during hard days in Beirut and when I got married and moved to Norman, because I already knew you, that transition was less difficult.
You are a faithful and trustworthy friend. I've been able to share with you some of my darkest spiritual battles that really only you and Eric know and you didn't judge or reject me or laugh at me but went to battle for me. I can share with you the nastiest ugliness of my sin and know that you will speak truth to me in a way that my prideful heart receives it gladly. In fact the way you dig into your own heart to expose sin and rawness has allowed and taught me to do the same in a way that has helped my heart to understand the gospel more deeply and to be healed and renewed more fully. You have done this like no other friend has.
You've been so faithful to pray for me when I didn't know how to pray or even want to pray. You've loved me and walked beside me at my worst and lowest. You prayed so faithfully for God to bring us children and so faithfully for my children. You didn't say silly, trite things to me through that trial. You encouraged and spoke sweet truth and prayed. The story of my family is not complete without your walk with me through those trials and your prayers. With your own sweet Alexa I've learned more ways how to love and pray for my children and to teach them about Jesus.
When I moved away you kept in touch and seemed glad to receive my book length emails. And I've saved all of our email letters back and forth over the years I've been in Kansas City. These too are a precious gift.
You've given of yourself and loved sacrificially in so many ways - like emails and texts you've sent over the last few months that have been such an encouragement to me when you were probably too tired or hurting too much to do so, and like last night searching for and playing a sweet lullaby for my very tired baby girl when you barely had strength to move. You've taught me how to be this kind of friend to others.
You've shown me more deeply how to love and be a good friend, to persevere, to walk intimately with Jesus, to hate my sin, to fight, to have courage, to pray, to be dangerous for The Lord.
Dear Kelsey, this nasty cancer doesn't define you. All that I've written above defines you. You are defined by the light of Jesus Christ that shines brightly through your life even now. Your identity is in Him alone. And yet your rough journey is not wasted. Even in it God has used you to deepen my walk with god, to deepen my perspective on eternity, to give me a greater understanding of Him as I wrestle with Him, to assure me again that wrestling with Him is ok, to be grateful and joy filled by the Spirit moment by moment for all the beautiful blessings in my life instead grumbling over stupid things that don't matter, to not be distracted by inconsequential things, to witness the beauty of the faithfulness and unity of the body of Christ, to better be able to pray and to desire the word afresh and more deeply. I pray with ferocity that i won't forget these things. These are precious gifts too. I don't know why you've had to suffer so much in this but I know it isn't wasted in my life or for eternity. god has a greater purpose for all things toward redeeming his people and advancing his kingdom. I relish and hope in the fact that god has conquered sin and disease and death and injustice by his work on the cross through his resurrection and in his coming again, soon I hope, when he will eradicate cancer and make all the wrong things right, to make all things new again. And that we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ. He has defeated death and this cancer. He and his promises and his already completed work is your victory. And you my dear sweet sister are a precious gift.
Thank you Jesus for the gift of this special friend. She was an answer to prayer for deep Godly friendships. I will miss her so much!
This is going to be long but hopefully worth it.
A dear, much beloved friend of mine, Kelsey Kennedy, from our Norman, OK days is no longer walking this earth. She's dancing with Jesus. Last April she was diagnosed with a rare form of sarcoma. Her doctors told her it was a nasty cancer but Kelsey was young and strong and healthy and we know god can anything. I felt confident that she would be all right and would walk many more years on this earth. Well, she is more than all right now!! She is completely healed for all eternity. All her pain is gone. She's no longer worrying or fearful or wrestling with sin. The burdens of this world are no more. On Saturday, July 5, at around 4:00pm Kelsey went home to Jesus.
God prompted me the Monday before (June 30) to drive down to see her the next day. There was a great sense of urgency. I'm so glad I heeded His nudges. The last week has been one of the hardest of my life but also one if the most beautiful. It's one of those times in your life that change you forever. At the moment I'm having difficulty laying out all that God is doing but I am so thankful. He is so good.
I was able to see my friend Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. As I entered the room on Tuesday night it was filled with the beautiful faces of women who love the Lord and Kelsey, some of them great, old friends. One of them was reading something she wrote about how God told her Kelsey would be healed. Well, she is healed. I was only in there a few minutes when we had to leave for a little while. We came back later and sang songs and prayed for Kelsey. It was just beautiful. People in other rooms could hear and said they enjoyed our singing. Praise God! Kelsey was very weak but her spunky self. She wanted to know where Catherine was and said she wanted to see her. So on Wednesday night, I brought Catherine. Kelsey was even more weak but still coherent. Catherine was really tired and a wee bit fussy. Kelsey hunted on her phone for a lullaby and played it for her.
That night, God woke me up and prompted me to write the letter to Kelsey I had been wanting to write since before I arrived. The words flowed easily and I'm so thankful again that I listened to Him and wrote the letter instead of waiting till morning. Kelsey had gotten considerably weaker over night. Eric had made it in town the night before. We were going to wait until the afternoon to go visit but again, God prompted us to make haste. When we got to the hospital the family wasn't hanging out in the waiting room anymore, they were in her room. They let us join them for almost 3 precious hours. It was really quiet and Kelsey was mostly asleep at first. I really wanted to read my letter to her but didn't think I would be able to. We sang hymns and worship songs for a while. Then she perked up some and I was able to read my letter to her. She spoke sweet words to Eric and I, like a blessing. Thank you Jesus for that sweet time. We all left to let her rest and get lunch. We thought we'd get to go back to see her but she spiked a fever and only wanted a few in there. I'm so glad we went in the morning or we would have missed that precious time with her hubby and his mom and dad, Kelsey's mom and dad and her sister and hubby and a couple of more friends. Chris, her hubby, read many letters that had been posted on Facebook about the blessing of Kelsey's life in theirs. Again, though there were lots of tears, it was just beautiful. That room was so full of peace and hope and even joy that can only come from the grace of God. Chris asked us to come again the next day. Eric prayed with them, read 2 Cor. 4 and they sang a song while I waited outside with our kids. Then I went in a prayed. She was asleep most of the time but raised up and looked me in the eyes when I kissed her on the cheek.
Through all of this Chris has been a pillar of strength. He shed tears, of course, but his perspective has been rock solid. Only God our rock and refuge can do this. I've often heard that God never gives you more than what you can handle but I think that's a false statement. I think God allows things in our life that we can't handle except by the full measure of grace He gives us for each moment we walk through it. If we could handle it then it wouldn't be a testimony of the work of Christ but of our own strength. Chris has clearly been walking and trusting in and relying on a greater, super natural strength. And really this can be said of all the family and Kelsey and even little Alexa Hope. Here's a poem Chris posted on their blog a few weeks back that speaks of this.
He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.
--Annie Flint
Kelsey was such a blessing to everyone she knew, full of spunk and overflowing with compassion and sacrificially loving people and Jesus and told others about Him and was a witness even in her last days. Many people, patients and nurses at the hospital were touched by her testimony. T- shirts were designed to raise money for her holistic treatments that say C>c - Christ is greater than cancer. And He is. He has won the victory over cancer and death for all eternity. Lots of people wore those t shirts at the hospital so naturally people asked about it. Just another way that Kelsey's life proclaimed the greatness of God.
I know I will have more to write about this as its affects ripple through my life. Below I've attached the letter I wrote and read to Kelsey on Thursday.
My dearest Kelsey,
You are one of those special friends that god has brought to my life that I can really only count just about on one hand. You are one of those friends I call my sister and you're closer to me even than my own sister. And the beauty of it is that we are so different. This is a testimony of how only god can work in people's lives to bring them together in the most unlikely places who might not have ever met or been friends.
I'm thankful for that day we met the first time at Starbucks in Beirut. I was so intimidated by you from all that I heard of you and I so wanted to meet your approval and pass the test to possibly date Eric. And now my story of God's beautiful gracious gift of Eric is intertwined with you and isn't complete without you. And you were a friend to me during hard days in Beirut and when I got married and moved to Norman, because I already knew you, that transition was less difficult.
You are a faithful and trustworthy friend. I've been able to share with you some of my darkest spiritual battles that really only you and Eric know and you didn't judge or reject me or laugh at me but went to battle for me. I can share with you the nastiest ugliness of my sin and know that you will speak truth to me in a way that my prideful heart receives it gladly. In fact the way you dig into your own heart to expose sin and rawness has allowed and taught me to do the same in a way that has helped my heart to understand the gospel more deeply and to be healed and renewed more fully. You have done this like no other friend has.
You've been so faithful to pray for me when I didn't know how to pray or even want to pray. You've loved me and walked beside me at my worst and lowest. You prayed so faithfully for God to bring us children and so faithfully for my children. You didn't say silly, trite things to me through that trial. You encouraged and spoke sweet truth and prayed. The story of my family is not complete without your walk with me through those trials and your prayers. With your own sweet Alexa I've learned more ways how to love and pray for my children and to teach them about Jesus.
When I moved away you kept in touch and seemed glad to receive my book length emails. And I've saved all of our email letters back and forth over the years I've been in Kansas City. These too are a precious gift.
You've given of yourself and loved sacrificially in so many ways - like emails and texts you've sent over the last few months that have been such an encouragement to me when you were probably too tired or hurting too much to do so, and like last night searching for and playing a sweet lullaby for my very tired baby girl when you barely had strength to move. You've taught me how to be this kind of friend to others.
You've shown me more deeply how to love and be a good friend, to persevere, to walk intimately with Jesus, to hate my sin, to fight, to have courage, to pray, to be dangerous for The Lord.
Dear Kelsey, this nasty cancer doesn't define you. All that I've written above defines you. You are defined by the light of Jesus Christ that shines brightly through your life even now. Your identity is in Him alone. And yet your rough journey is not wasted. Even in it God has used you to deepen my walk with god, to deepen my perspective on eternity, to give me a greater understanding of Him as I wrestle with Him, to assure me again that wrestling with Him is ok, to be grateful and joy filled by the Spirit moment by moment for all the beautiful blessings in my life instead grumbling over stupid things that don't matter, to not be distracted by inconsequential things, to witness the beauty of the faithfulness and unity of the body of Christ, to better be able to pray and to desire the word afresh and more deeply. I pray with ferocity that i won't forget these things. These are precious gifts too. I don't know why you've had to suffer so much in this but I know it isn't wasted in my life or for eternity. god has a greater purpose for all things toward redeeming his people and advancing his kingdom. I relish and hope in the fact that god has conquered sin and disease and death and injustice by his work on the cross through his resurrection and in his coming again, soon I hope, when he will eradicate cancer and make all the wrong things right, to make all things new again. And that we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ. He has defeated death and this cancer. He and his promises and his already completed work is your victory. And you my dear sweet sister are a precious gift.
Thank you Jesus for the gift of this special friend. She was an answer to prayer for deep Godly friendships. I will miss her so much!
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