In this adventure of motherhood, I have learned several things about myself that I’ve been wanting to write down for future reference for myself and maybe as an encouragement to other new moms. There are 10 points divided into 4 posts that I will publish every few days so as not to overwhelm you with a super lengthy entry. I would love to hear you comments about your experiences and lessons learned from Mommyhood.
1. First of all, I usually don’t feel like a mother at all. I guess I thought there would be a different sort of feeling or aura that would come over me as I became a mother. For a while I felt guilty, especially since Wesley’s adopted, thinking I wasn’t bonding with him properly. Since then, I’ve talked to plenty of moms who have their own biological children, older than Wes, who feel the same way. Do you ever really feel like a mother? What does that mean exactly? Is it just something we make up in our head? Or dream about as little girls? Or see on TV? Hmm...
2. Second, through mothering, God has revealed areas of sin in my life that I was vaguely aware of before becoming a mother but that now are openly evident to me and convicting. I think God can use any and everything in all stages of life, single, married, with or without children to help grow a person toward maturity so I’m not saying you have to have children to be qualified for more growth and maturity. Through different stages of my life and through different experiences, God has peeled away and revealed layers of sin as well as revealed new aspects of His own character. The same is true for now. What I’ve noticed for the most part, is that Mommyhood (and all other ‘hoods’ of life - life in general) seems to require extreme selflessness, patience, humility, disciple, self-control and flexibility.
That said, I am learning what flexibility really means. I thought I was a really flexible person but quickly found out, as a Mamma that I was not. I was flexible if whatever was causing the flexibility coincided with how and when I wanted to do things! Babies don’t work that way, even Wesley, who as babies go, seems fairly easy. This in turn reveals my selfishness, my impatience and my desire to control all things! Booo... I also worry and obsess entirely too much about some things sometimes, while at other times I don’t at all when I probably should. The funny thing is that though I want things around me to be under control, I’ve learned through this past year that I lack a lot of discipline and self-control in my own personal life and can be just plain lazy. Mommyhood has opened my eyes to these things not just with regard to being a mother and taking care of Wesley but in many aspects of my life. I just have to thank God for His grace to be a mother to this little one and pray for the grace to help him grow into all that God wants him to be despite all my shortcomings.
