This time ten years ago, I was getting ready to travel to Belarus to live for 9 weeks during the summer. I was so thrilled! I had spent two weeks there the summer before and felt confident about this trip - that it wouldn't be too hard. Boy was I wrong! Those were some lonely, cold, tough days. But that trip sparked a new chapter in my life, like a page turned. On that trip, God started to peel away at some things that I did not even know existed in my heart, revealing some nasty stuff I needed to be rid of and some truths I needed to understand about myself and about God ... and He has continued to do so ever since in a myriad of ways. So many things have happened in my life since that time and He's used all of them to continue to peel and teach and love. It is simply too much to comprehend all that God has allowed me to see and do and even to "go through." I've traveled to at least 9 countries since then and countless states, lived in three states and one other country - twice, gotten married, adopted the cutest little boy ever, got a Master's, studied three languages (one of which I have almost completely forgotten), learned to cook and knit, been on some hair-raising adventures, seen some wonderful history, met the neatest, godliest people, heard the most amazing stories and seen God do what only He could do - not in any particular order. I am simply astounded by the privilege of being able to be a part of what God is doing in so many places and in so many ways. While many of these things carried such blessing, some of them brought tears too, mostly because of something I had to work through or deal with. And so, I am humbled by the privilege to sit at His feet and learn and grow and understand through the good times and the difficult.
Someone asked me not too long ago if it was worth the wait for Wesley, if it made the time we did wait disappear. To the second question, no. The time - 4 1/2 years - still seems long. But to the first question, a resounding yes! And not simply because we now have Wesley but because of all the other treasures God has given along the way that at first didn't seem so treasurable but now are so sweet - they were even sweet before Wes came. These ten years have made a profound, life changing impact on my life and my relationship with God, for the better. Praise God for these! Though the road has been bumpy and mountainous at times it was all SO WORTH IT! I wonder what the next ten years will be like?
We were visiting a church this past weekend that played this song in worship. I had never heard it but almost immediately it plucked my heartstrings and I began to cry - if you know me well you know this is not too uncommon. : ) It says so much about what God has taught me through these 10 years - not what I think I am, but what my heart attitude should be - most especially the first, fourth and fifth verses. And it speaks it so beautifully and joyfully which makes it all the better to me. If you would like to actually hear this song, there is a link at the bottom you can click on. I think it would be well worth it to do so.
All to leave and follow Thee.
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my all shall be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I've sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.
Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
O while Thou dost smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love and might,
Foes may hate and friends disown me,
Show thy face and all is bright.
Man may trouble and distress me,
Twill but drive me to Thy breast.
Life with trials hard may press me;
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me
While thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me.
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.
Go, then earthly fame and treasure,
Come disaster, scorn and pain
In Thy service, pain is pleasure,
With Thy favor, loss is gain
I have called Thee Abba Father,
I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me. (Romans 8:28)
Soul, then know thy full salvation
Rise o'er sin and fear and care
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
Think what Father's smiles are thine,
Think that Jesus died to win thee,
Child of heaven, canst thou repine?
Haste thee on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer.
Heaven's eternal days before thee,
God's own hand shall guide us there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Soon shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.
